Quick Friday Recap

This morning, I woke up bummed because my muscles weren't as sore as I expected after yesterdays HH workout. Boy am I kicking myself now! I did a full body circuit just a couple hours ago and I'm already hurt! Imma be suuuuuper hurt tomorrow!!!

Anyways, I spent some time changing the look of this blog this morning. Like it? :) I also got some resumes out, but majority of the day I napped. I think its my allergy medicine making me drowsy, which sucks cuz I have so much to do!

I'm cuttin this one short cuz I'm so sore and it hurts to hold my phone to type! LoL I'm sure you understand. And I know you're proud of me for accomplishing my Easter resolution of working out Monday thru Friday:). I feel so good babee!

Goodnight for now. 1434

Better Week

This has been such a significantly better week for me, considering...

Sunday was Resurrection Day. How appropriate! Just when I was ready to allow all of the "unfortunate circumstances" being thrown into my mix overcome me and cause me to lose site of all the blessings in my life, I was reminded of Christ's ULTIMATE sacrifice! That alone makes my issues seem like winning the lottery!

Monday, I went to the gym...TWICE and got a lot of housework done.

Tuesday, I spent a lot of time in The Word and got my Hot Hula on:). I spent most of the day reflecting on our baptism day two years ago to the day.

Wednesday, spent some special quiet time with God as soon as I woke up. I started to feel the weight of all the "unfortunate circumstances" heavy on my heart and made the wise choice to surrender and lay it all at His feet! I can't change anything in the past. All I can do is choose to count it all joy and adjust my attitude (the one thing I DO have control over). Because I started my day off that way, you can imagine how the rest of my day went. GRRRRRRREAT! :) Even after Zumba kicked my butt and drained all the energy outta me. I took a nap and later had an awesome discipleship hour and a half with my mentor.

Today, Keila and I got more cleaning done. She found our Altec speaker thingy and we jammed the whole morning! I also took a couple tests for a potential employer, passed with flying colors and scheduled an interview for Thursday, 5/12. The Matsu's came to visit and Keila and I brought Annah to the gym for Amp'd Abs & Hot Hula.

Now, I'm sitting here catching up on some DVRd shows and whoppin Marie, Justin, Jin, and random strangers in Words With Friends and Word Fued:)!!! LoL

Having a significantly better week does NOT mean I haven't struggled. I struggle every minute of everyday...the pain was just more tolerable this week because of my daily surrender to the Lord, which changed my perspective, which improved my attitude towards my circumstances.

The main idea of all of the above = I applied what I learned from watching you live out the Quiet Strength I always talk about. THANK YOU babee! Because of you, I choose to cling tight to the Lord and stand firm on His promises. HE will provide for us in His time and according to His will! AMEN!

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My Legacy

One thing I think about a lot since your funeral is the legacy I wanna leave when it's my turn to relocate to Heaven. I think that's one reason why I write to you publicly, as opposed to a handwritten journal or something private like that. Writing to you like this is my way of helping to fulfill your legacy.

You were on a mission. You cherished friendships, were devoted to family, worked hard, and most of all you took seriously God's command to "make disciples!" All of these things are so evident in the pictures, videos, FB posts, and the memories you were a part of in the years after you surrendered your life to God. I'm not saying you weren't an amazing man before that...but you said it best in your testimony - "I have not been a person of many words, but my life has opened up more now that I have accepted him. The best way I can show that I have surrendered my life to him is to get baptized symbolizing the end of my past and following a new way."

At your funeral, Pastor Ron could have easily said "Wanna know Mark? Read his FB posts, ask those close to him about his heart, watch videos and look at pictures of him with his kids...", and left it at that (although, I'm glad he didn't). I pray that my life can leave that kind of impact behind when I go! That's how I want our kids, our future grandkids and great grand kids to remember me. So, I gotta surrender myself daily to the Lord and HIS will. Easier said than done because I'm a natural worry-rat, but I've got to make a conscious effort 24/7 to keep my eyes on Him and not the things of this world. Your legacy helps me want to become a better me everyday. Thank you babee.

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Your Testimony

Two years ago, you shared your testimony before family and the TCBC congregation, and were baptized. I can't figure out how to upload the video because it's in a format I'm not familiar with, but I did find your written testimony which is what you shared that day.

"I believe to have grown up as a person of faith. Although I knew of Jesus, I did not have a relationship with him. Almost 5 years ago, I started to build my relationship with Christ. I was going through a divorce and felt like I did not do all that I should have in order to live a good life. I secluded myself from everyone (including God and my faith) and didn’t know how to face everyone that I was 25 and will be divorced. I didn’t want anyone to know, not even my family. I made it all seem like nothing was different. Then Leila and I got acquainted and started to talk to each other about our beliefs in the Lord. I found comfort in looking to Jesus and leaving my mercy to him.

It was the end of 2004 that I was saved. I took it upon myself to seek out a Christian Church and went to an evening service at a church in San Jose. I remember feeling overwhelmed by the comfort I felt in letting my worries go and decided that all my struggles are there to bring me closer to him. That evening, I fell into tears and did not know why I felt empty for so long. I came to realize that I was not messing up my life, I was just not looking for answers in the right place. I am not in control and will not have control. I surrender my life for him to do as he wants for me.

Right now I still consider myself an infant in my walk with Christ. So much has changed in the years since I was saved. I have come to find my wife and three daughters that I Love so much. Although I struggle with everything, I am able to provide for my family. I am slowly getting closer with my family after distancing myself from them in the first place.

I want to be baptized to show and express to everyone that Jesus Christ is my choice. Jesus has died for our sins and gave us salvation. And although I am nowhere near his grace, I would like to proclaim to everyone that my life is for him. I have not been a person of many words, but my life has opened up more now that I have accepted him. The best way I can show that I have surrendered my life to him is to get baptized symbolizing the end of my past and following a new way.

I do have assurance that I am saved just as it was in the Old Testament, the lamb’s life was taken to spare ourselves from Death, Jesus Christ had given his life in order for our lives to be spared. So long as I believe in Him and do what I can as he wishes, I am saved!"

Today, I'm reflecting on that special day and the man of God you were. I'm thankful everyday that you led our family the way you did, and continue to do through the legacy you left.

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MAN, I miss you!

Easter recap - Keila and I went to the Easter service at FBCEG. At the end of the service were baptisms. We had witnessed a few baptisms since you were called home, so I had no idea how emotional I'd get this time! I think it had a lot to do with the fact that the baptism area looked so much like where we got baptized together on 4.26.09. As soon as the first baptism was over, I looked to Keila and said "I gotta go." I tried so hard to hold back the tears speed-walking out of the church, but I couldn't. I was ballin! Poor Keila...I cried all the way from Elk Grove to right before we hit Vacaville.

We got to Mom & Dad's and had a blast, as usual, with the whole fambam. Dad blessed the food, we grubbed, the big kids hid eggs, the lil kids hunted for them, took LOTS of pictures, cotillion practice, a ton of laughs...but most of all, memories of YOU flooded the day!

Today was such a good day! I caught-up on sleep and Worked-out...TWICE:). The kids went back to school too. I'm so proud of them! Isa has managed to excel even though the workload is twice as much as what she was used to in Oakland. She gets along with all her classmates and her teacher LOVES her! Jin is in another play, and is the lead this time:). As you know, she's on the honor roll too. She's building close friendships and loves going to school also. Lala is graduating on 6/16! It's so exciting! And scary at the same time. My baby's all grown-up. This is the last summer before she's off to college.

The most AMAZING BLESSING I didn't even see coming happened today! When I went to pick Keila up from school, she told me that she was offered the chance to finish the rest of her senior year under a home-school contract! I couldn't believe it! All this time I've spent looking for a night job, but the Lord had a better idea. He knew this door was gonna open for her which would make it so I wouldn't have to worry about how she and her sisters were gonna get to and from school. All three of them had different start/end times that were all over the place.

Friday, I had an interview that went well and I was asked to do a proficiency/assessment test this Thursday. The company is looking for TEN people. As much as I don't wanna jinx myself like I have been, I just feel as though this is what God had planned all along:). It's a day job, and now that Keila doesn't need to be in class from noon-4, I'll have peace of mind knowing my girls are taken care of!

Hope you kept-up with all that giberish:)! I'm just so excited, my thoughts were running faster than my fingers could type. But I'm sure you got me.

I wish you were here. SOOOOOO much is happening! Things are continuing to change. More good than not...but not having you here to experience the good with us sucks. I'll admit, it kinda makes it hard to celebrate the good without you by my side. But I promise to keep trying babee.

Tomorrow's our 2-year baptism anniversary. I'd post the video, but I'd need you to show me how;). I'll probably watch you share your testimony a hundred times throughout the day. MAN, I miss you!!!

Well hun, that's all for now. I'll ttyl. 1434

another "first"

What a day to feel so sad! It's RESURRECTION DAY, a day of celebration! But I've been up crying for the past hour and a half thinking of how much I miss and need you so much...

If you were here, you'd be up with me right now helping prepare for the feast we'll be having tomorrow with the family. We'd be filling these Easter eggs together (last minute, of course). Another BIG day in our lives...

In a few hours, we'd be filling up the cooler with our potato-mac salad and chicken marinade. Then you would pack up the truck (like only you could). We'd head to Refuge Community Church for service, then head to Mom and Dad's in Vallejo for yet another family gathering full of food, fellowship and fun!

As much as I want to celebrate Christ's victory over death, I'm sitting here sad, lonely and frustrated. Nothings the same. As much as I believe that God's will is always right, I can't help but feel like you not being here is so wrong...

Another "first" without you. I'm praying that I wake up refreshed and that I can get through this day with strength only God can provide. Goodnight Mr. Love-of-my-life. 1434