Sorry about last nights personal-pity-party. I'm still sick, but not all messed-up like yesterday.Throughout our relationship, you were one who always anticipated mine and the girl's needs. Even more so when we were sick! Feeling like this without you here to take care of me makes me feel emotionally sick too. I know i'm a grown woman and more than capable of myself...but that doesn't mean I don't miss you taking care of me.
It's just another one of those uncomfortable, painful "firsts" without you. Nick snapped me back into reality with two Scripture passages I've wrote about before. Goes to show how quickly satan will attack when I'm down. I can so easily forget God's promises that I've held close throughout this grieving process. That needs to stop.
I haven't lost track of the abundance of blessings in my life. One, in particular, is Ate Mae! She become a certified Hot Hula instructor and is now teaching in the Monterey area. The proceeds from the classes she teaches are given to me to help the girls and I until I get a job. {Thank you to all the Hot Hula Diva's for your support! You're not only gettin yo groove on with my amazing sista, you're also blessing the girls and I with every class you attend! Mahalo Nui} She miss you so much...she tells me so all the time! She's doing this for you "Marky-Mark":).
Anyways, I took some meds and they're starting to kick-in. Goodnight sweetheart. 1434
Here's my letter to you, Mark Matthew Aragon. The LOVE of my life, and Papa to our girls, who's Heavenly birthday is 11/04/2010. There's so much I want to say and if Heaven had a phone, I'd call. Missing & loving you more everyday, Lei
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Monday, May 16, 2011
Sick Mess
My allergies have been really bad, so my body has been in so much distress...I haven't worked out in a week. I'm a MESS! My emotions are outta whack and for the first time in a loooooong time I'm actually sick!Yesterday, I started off with a sore throat which was worse when I woke up today. I'm at an all time low. The past month has proved to be the most eventful, difficult, trying thus far. Grief, identity theft, no job, a delay in the processing of my taxes (due to the identity theft), electrical issues with my car, all the family functions (without you by my side), family "stuff", Dave's job transfer to Angola and Atch to follow him soon after, Jin's turning 13 Wednesday, Keila's upcoming high school graduation followed by her move to San Francisco State University, etc...
I try so hard to count all these as JOY, but the more I do the more the list grows.
Prayin for wisdom, strength and peace to continue counting this growing list as JOY!
1434
I try so hard to count all these as JOY, but the more I do the more the list grows.
Prayin for wisdom, strength and peace to continue counting this growing list as JOY!
1434
Friday, May 13, 2011
Journey to ETERNITY
"It becomes us to spend this life only as a journey toward heaven...Why should we labor for or set our hearts on anything else, but that which is our proper end and true happiness?" Jonathan Edwards
When I think of those words, I get all giddy inside:). In Heaven, I'll not only be united with my Heavenly Father...I'll also be reunited with you, my Lola, and the many other friends and family who have gone before me! This temporary life here on earth ain't nothin compared to the eternal life I have to look forward to in Heaven!
That, my love, is what I remind myself everyday (many times throughout the day) to help me get through this pain. I wish it made the pain go away, but I'm human. Life right now sucks without you. The biblical truth that says we won't be husband and wife in Heaven sucks too...but thank God we'll have the memories of our unique love as we live forever in perfect harmony.
The girls and I have been going thru a lot of "I wish papa were here" moments lately. Months ago, those moments would bring us down. Rest assured that our perspective has changed and missing you no longer puts a pause on life. We, as a family, are learning to live through this pain knowing that it's temporary and we'll eventually reunite with you for the last time...and from that moment on, it's all about ETERNITY!
1434
When I think of those words, I get all giddy inside:). In Heaven, I'll not only be united with my Heavenly Father...I'll also be reunited with you, my Lola, and the many other friends and family who have gone before me! This temporary life here on earth ain't nothin compared to the eternal life I have to look forward to in Heaven!
That, my love, is what I remind myself everyday (many times throughout the day) to help me get through this pain. I wish it made the pain go away, but I'm human. Life right now sucks without you. The biblical truth that says we won't be husband and wife in Heaven sucks too...but thank God we'll have the memories of our unique love as we live forever in perfect harmony.
The girls and I have been going thru a lot of "I wish papa were here" moments lately. Months ago, those moments would bring us down. Rest assured that our perspective has changed and missing you no longer puts a pause on life. We, as a family, are learning to live through this pain knowing that it's temporary and we'll eventually reunite with you for the last time...and from that moment on, it's all about ETERNITY!
1434
Oh Blogger!!!
You have officially threw me off today! I was beginning to have a great day, till I realized that some of my blog posts are missing! NOT COOL!!!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Love never fails.
"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." 1 Corinthians 13:7-8
Our love, as in yours and mine, will never fail. I have an early interview in the morning, so I'm gonna skip tonights novel-writing-session and get some sleep. See you in my dreams my love. 1434
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
The past 24 hours...
The family got word late yesterday afternoon that Coya was arriving at SFO around midnight. Atch, David, Gabbi, Kuya Lan, Ate Sette, Keila and I all met up in Fairfield and drove out to greet him at the airport equipped with welcome signs and American flags. After spending his last year in Afganistan, he's finally home! Our big brother, Col. Bern Ruiz, is home FOR GOOD!!! To think, he was supposed to retire last year, but signed on for another year...then to end his final tour right after the whole Bin Laden fiasco ended - WOW! After picking him up from the airport about half the size he was when we last saw him at your funeral, we just had to go feed the man so we went to IHOP before heading back to Sacramento! LoL
After the girls got outta school today we headed to Natomas to hang out with the fam (again-lol). I love being so close to family! No need to pay toll or sit in traffic...just 11 miles away.
Tomorrow morning we're bringing my car to the Haight's mechanic to look at some issues It's been having. Monse goes back to SoCal tomorrow night right before we head to AWANAs and my mentor meeting, so it looks like I won't really be able to catch up on some zzzzzz's till tomorrow night, which I'm sooooo looking forward to! I have an interview scheduled for Thursday, so I'll definately need to be rested.
The whole "learning to live with pain" process is beginning to make some progress in my life. Making a conscious effort to talk about you out loud when I need to...cry when necessary...laugh (out loud) about memories that pop in my head, and share those memories with whoevers around me at the time - instead of trying to hold it all in because I don't want others to worry about me - that all is beginning to come naturally. I'm getting out more instead of staying in to drown in my sorrows. I'm getting better at this whole grief thing, and it feels good!
Thanks for lookin out for me and for helping me, through my memories of you, to continue to grieve in a healthy way that's good for me, the girls, AND those close to us. You're on my mind 24/7. It's gonna be that way forever! 1434
After the girls got outta school today we headed to Natomas to hang out with the fam (again-lol). I love being so close to family! No need to pay toll or sit in traffic...just 11 miles away.
Tomorrow morning we're bringing my car to the Haight's mechanic to look at some issues It's been having. Monse goes back to SoCal tomorrow night right before we head to AWANAs and my mentor meeting, so it looks like I won't really be able to catch up on some zzzzzz's till tomorrow night, which I'm sooooo looking forward to! I have an interview scheduled for Thursday, so I'll definately need to be rested.
The whole "learning to live with pain" process is beginning to make some progress in my life. Making a conscious effort to talk about you out loud when I need to...cry when necessary...laugh (out loud) about memories that pop in my head, and share those memories with whoevers around me at the time - instead of trying to hold it all in because I don't want others to worry about me - that all is beginning to come naturally. I'm getting out more instead of staying in to drown in my sorrows. I'm getting better at this whole grief thing, and it feels good!
Thanks for lookin out for me and for helping me, through my memories of you, to continue to grieve in a healthy way that's good for me, the girls, AND those close to us. You're on my mind 24/7. It's gonna be that way forever! 1434
Monday, May 9, 2011
Mothers Day 2011
After the cotillion, we picked-up Isa and Jin and headed home with Monsay & Alana. We all went to sleep funky cuz we were soooooo exhausted! Keila, Monsay & Alana were on the dance floor the entire time - literally! I dont even think they took bathroom breaks! LoL
I woke up to a dozen pretty red roses and special-made cards from our baby-girls. I couldn't have asked for a better mama's day moment...That's how I woke-up every mothers day when you were still with us.
Our water wasn't running, and I had no clue why! It wasn't till after noon, a couple calls to the water company, Keila figiting with knobs and such, and a confession from our neighbor that we got to turn on the water and take turns showering. (Our neighbor accidentally turned our water off...he thought the knob was for his sprinklers, or something like that LoL).
Once we were all ready, we headed to Vallejo to mom's house for dinner w/ the fam. Before we ate, mom, Atch, Ate Sette, Kuya Lan and I went to visit Lola at the cemetary. It was another night of talking about the cotillion and what a success it was, and celebrating us mama's.
I'm finding that it's getting a bit easier for me to tolerate the pain of missing you on special days like Gabbi's cotillion and Mother's Day. Now, Jin's 13th b'day next week and Keila's graduation may be the exceptions, but I'll still do my best to hold it together...
I'm STILL exhausted! But we have just one more BIG night to get thru before we can get a good night sleep. I'll tell you about it tomorrow though:).
I just wanna thank you for teaching our girls how to make me feel special on Mother's day. I had NO IDEA, so it was truly a pleasant suprise:). Talk to you later honey. 1434
I woke up to a dozen pretty red roses and special-made cards from our baby-girls. I couldn't have asked for a better mama's day moment...That's how I woke-up every mothers day when you were still with us.
Our water wasn't running, and I had no clue why! It wasn't till after noon, a couple calls to the water company, Keila figiting with knobs and such, and a confession from our neighbor that we got to turn on the water and take turns showering. (Our neighbor accidentally turned our water off...he thought the knob was for his sprinklers, or something like that LoL).
Once we were all ready, we headed to Vallejo to mom's house for dinner w/ the fam. Before we ate, mom, Atch, Ate Sette, Kuya Lan and I went to visit Lola at the cemetary. It was another night of talking about the cotillion and what a success it was, and celebrating us mama's.
I'm finding that it's getting a bit easier for me to tolerate the pain of missing you on special days like Gabbi's cotillion and Mother's Day. Now, Jin's 13th b'day next week and Keila's graduation may be the exceptions, but I'll still do my best to hold it together...
I'm STILL exhausted! But we have just one more BIG night to get thru before we can get a good night sleep. I'll tell you about it tomorrow though:).
I just wanna thank you for teaching our girls how to make me feel special on Mother's day. I had NO IDEA, so it was truly a pleasant suprise:). Talk to you later honey. 1434
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