I've ventured off to tumblr. It's different...and random...but so is grief.

It's ONLY been 8 months...ALREADY???

Sorry I havent wrote to you in a while...this move and the heat has had me busy and exhausted! Tonight will be our last night here and I'm soooooo excited! This place just never felt like home to any of us, and moving forward is the best thing for us.

Anyways, i just wanted to take a moment to say Happy 8 month HBday hun:)! I cant believe its been 8 whole months, but then again...it's only been 8 months? LoL Everythings still wierd but by the grace of God we are not stuck! We're movin forward...

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Write Your Memories

To those of you in the midst of grief...I just wanted to share today's GriefShare email with you:

Write Your Memories
Day 227

Writing down your memories is a way to become unstuck if you are stuck in grief. Set aside a regular time to write out all the positive experiences you can remember that include your loved one. One memory will lead to another, and you will have much to write. This exercise shines light on the positive memories, which will help you keep the negative memories in perspective.

"When you lose someone," says Dr. H. Norman Wright, "what you have left basically are the memories. At first they're so sharp that they hurt. In time those memories begin to dull. They diminish. That in itself is another loss that you have to go through. In writing about it, you don't lose those memories. They're always there in black and white."

Writing down memories is a special process that takes time and courage.

"For I wrote you out of great distress and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to grieve you but to let you know the depth of my love for you" (2 Corinthians 2:4).

Lord, give me the discipline and the courage to sit down and write out special memories about my loved one. Thank you, Jesus, Amen.

So little time...

So much to do...so little time!!!

Wish you were here to help us get thru this. But then again, if you were here, we wouldn't have to go thru so much change in such a small amount of time! The random memories of you that would bring me to tears in private became public today. I was just sittin with Marie and watching all the kids playing one of those dance games and all I could think about was the video of you battling Joseph at Just Dance! Without warning, the tears started falling. Family parties will never be the same without you...I miss you so very much.

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Moving

The girls and I have been goin thru boxes and separating junk from keepers. Its a trip how we never even finished unpacking and here we go again...moving!

I came across an old shirt of yours that you loved to wear when it was kinda cold, but not jacket weather. It was in a bag of clean and folded laundry that got tossed in the storage room under the stairs. Jin found the bag and started pulling things out one by one and separating it all into piles. Go figure-the shirt was the only thing in the bag that belonged to you. I probably sound crazy, but it got me all emotional and stuff...

Then we came across a book you bought called "52 Things Kids Need From a Dad". (As if you needed a book!!!)

This move is gonna be pretty emotional for us... Moving from Oakland was quick and sorta hands-off for us since there were so many loved ones taking care of it all. Now, it's up to us to really dig deep into everything since we'll be super-limited in regards to space in our new (temporary) home.

This is good for us though. Its kinda helping us heal as we sort thru our memories and the life we're moving forward from. I've got a tough(er) year ahead since my goal is to be done with school, get my career going, and get into a place of our own before Jin starts High School and Isa starts Middle School - which is basically a year from September. I PROMISED the girls that wherever they start High School is where they're graduatung from. No more moving!

Anyways love, I better get back to the junk. 1434

Missin CLUB ARAGON

This heat ain't no joke! And it didn't help any that I've had body aches since yesterday so I've been downing Nyquil to try and beat the flu before it hits hard. I've been hot, sweaty and uncomfortable all friggin day!

Thank God for the cool breeze out right now! It feels soooooo good outside. Summer nights are amazing...it just sucks that we gotta get thru the almost-unberable heat to get to them.

This is soooooo CLUB ARAGON weather! Chillin in the back smellin the yummy bbq, playin dominoes/skip-bo/phase 10/or Texas Hold'em w/ the crew, jammin to old school jams...man, I wish we could go back there. It's all I can think about in this darn heat! Everytime I'd complain about it, you'd remind me of Club Aragon. You ALWAYS made me feel better when it came to stuff like that. That's probably why I tend to feel down sometimes - you're not here to make me happy.

The "Mark withdrawls" are starting up again with the change of season. Time for a getaway! Can't wait to head to SoCal next week with the fambam! Perfect timing!!!

Right now the girls and I are chillin downstairs watching George Lopez...just like the old days:). Wish you were here...1434

IT'S HOOOOOOOT!!!!!!!!

As you know, I've never been one to enjoy heat! The sweatiness, discomfort...so uncomfortable! What sucks now is the effect all of the above has on my mood and feelings! Not too long ago I had a breakthrough and decided to make a conscious effort to focus on the positive rather than dwelling on the negative. Well, these days it's so hard to get past the discomfort to see anything positive!

I'm not saying i'm doing horrible and having random mood-swings. I am definately aware of my attitude and it's effect on those around me...but mentally, everything sucks!

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Don't be mad - I chopped my hair off today! MUCH shorter than you'd ever approve of...LoL. But my hair's so thick and it's so hot! I HAD to get it off my neck! I know, I coulda just pulled it back like I always do...but it's starting to fall out much more (stress had effected EVERYTHING about me)and pulling it back all the time wasn't helping any. For the record though, Atch likes it! And knowing her, she woulda said something if it looked like crap:).

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School's over for the kiddo's, Lala's graduated, and now it's time to get to packin for our next move. Non-stop changes for us! But we gotta keep on keepin on. Things definately are moving forward, so I have no complaints about it. (Other than the obvious!)

"The more you focus on the problem, on the bad thing that is happening to you, your life just goes down, down, down," says Anne Graham Lotz. This is why it's so important for me to keep my focus up, up, up!!! Thinking of you all the time and all the positives helps me do this. Thank God I haven't "lost it"!

Gnite babee...1434.