The ONLY reason I know this pain it tolerable is because God said so. His Word tells me that whatever He brings me to, He'll bring me through. I may never get over this grief, but I will get through it just like it says in Phillipians 4:13, "I can do all things through CHRIST who strengthens me."
I feel an emptiness right now that words can't express. The same emptiness I felt when you left...almost like it's November 4, 2010 all over again! Of all the days of the year, February 14th is the day we celebrated our love. More than March 11 (the day we met), and March 24 (the day we got married). Valentines Day was the day we celebrated US!
The Lord truly must think I'm a superwoman to have taken you from me right after my birthday, and right before Thanksgiving, Isa's 10th birthday, Christmas, New Years, Valentines Day, Jin's 13th birthday, Lala's high school graduation and her 18th birthday. This year of significant "firsts" has so far seemed unbearable most of the time, but I doubt I've even touched the surface of the pain to come.
Today is Valentines Day. OUR day. As much as I dont want to dread every Valentines Day to come, its hard to even imagine otherwise. I wish so much that I could have your arms around me just one last time. To hold your face in my hands to tell you how much I love you and how thankful I am to you for choosing ME to love and cherish for the rest of your life. I think I could manage to get it all out in one minute max if thats what it would take for God to allow it...
Missing you hurts so much. Not having you here with me, especially today, is so painful. I want to sleep so bad and wakeup with you beside me with a red rose, a card, and an "I love you babee." But reality is that that wont happen so I cant sleep. All I can do is replay memories from our past Valentines Days and hold them with all my strength and never let them go.
Babee, just know that these tears are a celebration of YOU and the love we share. NO ONE but Christ can possibly comprehend the way I feel right now, and while thats a comfort to know...that He knows my heart...it doesnt soothe the pain. This pain is here because our love was THAT rare! There is no earthly remedy for it...nothing here can fill the void created when you died! All I can do is cling to the Father and stand firm on His promises until the day we meet again.
I think that just for today, I'll let you win...you love me more. Happy Valentines Day, my love.
Here's my letter to you, Mark Matthew Aragon. The LOVE of my life, and Papa to our girls, who's Heavenly birthday is 11/04/2010. There's so much I want to say and if Heaven had a phone, I'd call. Missing & loving you more everyday, Lei
