Ask and you shall receive...

God blesses us simply because He loves us. At every moment and in EVERY circumstance. He is blessing your girls now, in and thru our troubles. We may not comprehend it, but He is giving us what He KNOWS is good for us.

WOW, right!?!? Babee, we and hundreds of others have been praying for God to bless the girls and I thru our heartache. There are days when we find it humanly unbearable, and days when we can feel some sort of relief, but realizing now that God is blessing us every single second is so encouraging!

Earlier this week, I started reading Shattered Dreams by Larry Crabb. That same night, I cried out to the Lord asking for some kind of reawakening because I dont want my worship to be in vain. "Ask And you shall receive", right?!?! My goodness...I've been reawakened ever since! I've accomplished so much since that night, and the hopelessness I've felt for months has lifted. The highest blessing, whether I feel it each moment or not, is to KNOW GOD!

An intimate relationship with Him is the greatest pleasure! Even when the plumbing is jacked up, my car gets into an altercation with my garbage can (and the garbage can wins), and even when some stranger hurts my feelings telling me I dont need to wear your wedding band because I'm a widow (which to her means single)! Had I allowed myself to just savor the fact that my Heavenly Father had his strong and gentle arms around me throughout those trials...REALLY let myself be still and let Him be God, none of that mess woulda phased me!

I've been having the biggest private pity party since you died! It's mainly been internally when I'm alone and most often at night. WHY ME? Things were finally heading in the right direction for us...WHY US? We're good people who love the Lord...WHY DID THIS HAPPEN? BUT, on the outside I seldom showed the depth of my cries. I didnt want others to feel obligated to comfort or care for me... I didnt want anyone to see me vulnerable and helpless. I could write about it, but I didnt show it in person, if I could help it. I questioned God asking Why? How could you? What are we gonna do now? How are we gonna get by? And at the same time I did everything in my power to avoid the very people he led to help us. I didnt always succeed...in fact, MANY have blessed us in many ways, but now that I look back I'm realizing that I prevented some from walking-out their faith by being too prideful to accept their help! That sound so crazy to me!

In the book, it talks about how it is in the depths of our brokenness that we must humble ourselves. Our pride gets in the way of truly surrendering ourselves to Him. Its so hard when things are uncomfortable and we realize we are not in control!

Well babee, I'm gonna get back to the book. I had an awesome phone interview today, and I'm praying for a job offer tomorrow which is their deadline to fill the position. If you can, please do yo thang up there (again). I love you more than coffee ice cream!!! *muah*