I've been thinking a lot about the relationship between a parent and a child (more specifically, my relationship with the girls). As their mother, I want only what's best for them. I want each of them to become successful, HAPPY, law-abiding women. Women who love God and love others (including themselves). But that's not all...I want them to know, understand and believe in the depth of my love for them and my desire for all of the above. And even more so, act like it! I want them to know they can come to me for anything. And when I'm hard on them, it's because I want them to learn something...to be responsible...to learn from their mistakes.
My Heavenly Father wants the same for me, but on an even higher level. He wants me to seek HIM...acknowledge HIM...and acknowledge that I can't do ANYTHING without HIS sovereign power. He wants me to yell for help when I'm in a tangled mess I can't get out of on my own.
He doesn't want me to wander around aimlessly in search for my own solutions, when all the while His Word holds all the answers I need. It hurts to think of how He must feel as he watches us try to re-invent the wheel. Watching us act like we know better...but still loving us, pursuing us, and wanting what's best for us...as only a parent could.
I was reflecting on your role as Papa. It had nothing to do with obligation or relation. It was a choice you made. It wasn't something you grudgingly had to do - it was something you wanted to commit and devote your life to. THAT's partly why things have been tough for me lately in regards to single-mamahood. You saw to it that you were an active role in their everyday lives. Now that you're up there, and not down here, I gotta get myself together to be the mama I was pre-grief AND be everything you were at the same time. Thank God for our memories of you...you taught by example. Thank you for that.
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"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; HE delivers them from all their troubles." Psalm 34:17
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD." Isaiah 55:8
"Be thankful in ALL CIRCUMSTANCES, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:18
Here's my letter to you, Mark Matthew Aragon. The LOVE of my life, and Papa to our girls, who's Heavenly birthday is 11/04/2010. There's so much I want to say and if Heaven had a phone, I'd call. Missing & loving you more everyday, Lei
