What a day/night/morning...You consumed every thought today. I guess it was fitting that I spent today by myself. Kinda symbolic to how I've felt since you've been gone. Tomorrow's a new day...gotta really kick things into gear. Gotta start thinking more like you. You wouldn't want me living like this...the woman you fell in love with was fun, loving and full of life. Time to start getting back to "me". Our girls need and deserve to have "me" back. That's exactly what you'd tell me if you could. I just know it somehow. I can see the path God has laid before us, and it's time to willingly follow instead of waiting, wishing for you to walk it with us. Does this mean I've passed the "acceptance" phase of grief? For now, I'm guessing. But no matter what it is, tomorrow's a new day and I'm ready for it.
Don't think for a second that me focusing on this new life we're forced to live (a life without you) means I don't miss you, I don't need you, or I don't love you. This is me moving forward, learning to live with pain, and being the "better me" you've always made me long to be. I'll forever miss you, need you, love you and long for you...now I gotta learn to be content with that and move forward for my sake and for our girls sake.
You're not gonna come walking thru my door. I've known that for 7 months...but after all the time I've spent in reflection and in God's Word today, I somehow not only know it - I believe it. If that's not acceptance, I don't know what is.
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Here's my letter to you, Mark Matthew Aragon. The LOVE of my life, and Papa to our girls, who's Heavenly birthday is 11/04/2010. There's so much I want to say and if Heaven had a phone, I'd call. Missing & loving you more everyday, Lei
