Last night, I felt defeated. I felt helpless, sad, upset and hurt. It's one thing to feel this way about things that bother me...it's a much bigger kinda helpless-sad-upset-hurt when it has to do with my babies feelings. 7 months ago, they were uprooted from Oakland to Sacramento. It was hard especially considering the many other things going on in our lives at the time...but they were champs. They excelled in school, made lots of friends, and grew their faith all while still grieving the loss of their Papa.
Isa and Jin overheard me on the phone with Pastor Ron last night and so I had a little explaining to do. I explained the possibility of (another) move, we talked about it, cried about it, and in the end I asked them to pray about it. Pray that I get a job soon, IF THAT'S WHAT GOD WANT'S FOR US. I had to let them know that if Sacramento isn't where God want's us, it ain't gonna happen and we just have to obey and move on.
By the end of the conversation, we were all happy and joking around. Once they kissed me goodnight and went off to bed I broke-down. I made a list of struggles from the last 7 months alone. Halfway down the second side of the paper, I ripped it out and threw it away. I may be able to make a list of all these problems, but no matter what that list won't compare to the never ending list of blessings He's given.
Even after that though, I still felt defeated...but instead of boo-hoo'ing all night, I prayed. A little about the girls and I, and our situation...but more-so for those who have hurt us. I even prayed for the person who's ill-intentions led them to succomb to stealing the identity of my deceased husband to file their taxes - that once this issue is finally cleared up, they will have learned from it and won't do such evil things again. (Seriously...I did!)
I woke up with a horrible headache just in time to get up and drive the kids to school. NO BUENO!!! When I got home, I went straight to my computer to check my refund status on the IRS website (as if anything was gonna change in the last 15 hours), and nada. Then I went to my FB to check on notifications, and finally to Twitter.
Jeannie Mai tweeted a link to her blog, which I hadn't read before. Jeannie is the host of a show called "How Do I Look?" and we just LOVE her! She's beautiful, talented, and after google'ing her I found out she's a strong believer who has "Acts 2:42-47. It's all I care about doing" on her FB profile. I couldn't be more proud to say that our Keila looks up to her. Jeannie is an inspiration to Keila and has got her creative-wheel's spinnin!
So, long story short, Jeannie's blog post today totally inspired me! I'm so glad I read it first thing in the morning because now there's no way I'm gonna waste this day God's blessed me with by being sad and gloomy. (Although, I am about to take some tylenol and try to nap this headache away for an hour! LoL). Headache and all...I'm one happy woman today! I'm not even gonna get into the details of Jeannie's blog...BUT HERE IT IS. After reading it yourself, you'll know what I mean.
http://iheartjeanniemai.com/prayer-box-4-0-officially-up/
Talk to ya later booboose...1434
Here's my letter to you, Mark Matthew Aragon. The LOVE of my life, and Papa to our girls, who's Heavenly birthday is 11/04/2010. There's so much I want to say and if Heaven had a phone, I'd call. Missing & loving you more everyday, Lei
