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Right about now, wwe'd be getting back from our late-night WalMart trip with streamers, balloons and all sorts of goodies. You'd blow the ballons, I'd tie them and we'd cover Jin's bedroom floor with them. Keila would be working on a poster to put up on the wall right outside her room. You and I would hang streamers from the top of her bedroom door-frame. When our birthday girl wakes up, she'd freak out when she accidentally pops one of the purple balloons as she steps outta bed with her eyes halfway open. Then she'd open her door, move the streamers apart, and see the special-made "Happy Birthday" poster. From the moment she wakes up, she'd feel as celebrated as she deserves...

Unfortunately, I'm sick, walmart close by isn't 24 hours, money doesn't grow on trees, and you're not here...so things are gonna be a lil diffrent today-but still special.

Just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you...1434

Coulda, shoulda, woulda!

6 months ago, right about this time, I should have went to the suburban and slashed the tires... Coulda, shoulda, woulda! As usual, I miss you SOOOO VERY MUCH-it hurts so very much. 1434

From my FB status posted Wednesday, 05/04/11 at 3:40am:
So I'm sittin here chillin cuz I can't sleep. It's my man's 6 month Hb'day, close to the same time I got the notification. Out of nowhere, the wind blew the front door wide open. It wasn't locked & doesn't close all the way unless it is locked, but really? Seriously? AND I'm sitting on the same couch I was sleeping on when I got the "knock on the door". My babee's messin w/ me! Oh Mark Aragon...SMH! LoL

03.11.2004 = 11

Remember when we started trippin over all the coincidences and similarities we found in eachother and in our pasts??? And all the wierd things that we found so intriguing??? How bout this one:

We met on March 11, 2004. 3 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 0 + 0 + 4 = 11

Hahahahaha!!! Can you send me some sign to help me find the card you gave me where you told me about that please??? :) I remember feeling like I did when you first had me looking for the arrow in the FedEx logo!!! Ahhhhh - the memories:).

More than the day before...

I'm finding out more and more each day just how much I miss having you by my side...it's always much more than I thought the day before. 1434

Gettin Through It

Everyday is a struggle. A constant battle to keep from succumbing to my natural human instinct to just give up. It's hard not knowing what to do with myself after spending years being "us". You're probably wiggin-out after reading my last 2 posts which is why I'm writing this 3rd one. Rest assured that I wanna push forward more than I wanna give up. I wanna be happy and I want the girls to be happy more than I wanna spend my days sad, feeling like it's the end of the world. And I wanna live the rest of my life pleasing in God's eyes more than I wanna question God and feel like He forgot about me. I'm still up for the fight with the strength only God can provide.

I'm hurting and a mess, but still gettin through it by the grace of God. 1434

Waiting by the phone...

I wish so much that I could talk to you right now... It doesnt have to be in person! I'd be more than willing to have a phone conversation with you, or even a text chat would be enough! Sometimes I stare at my phone just wishing you would call me. And other times I see the green light flashing and I want to find a text or email from you. You are the only person on earth who understood me. When I talked in circles, trying to over-explain my feelings because I dont wanna offend anyone and I want to be clearly understood, YOU understood my word vomit! Sometimes things would come up and all I'd have to do is look at you, and you'd say "I know babe, I know"...without me saying a word! So many emotions...so many perceptions...and no you to translate what I'm feeling into words. I'd rather disregard my feelings than try to explain em, but that never turns out right and eventually I find myself in a situation where I have to speak up. Then I just just make a mess by somehow miscommunicating what I'm feeling!

I've never grieved like this before...NEVER! One day I was the loved wife of an amazing man who was "the other half that made me whole"...and the next day I was an incomplete widow. There was no widowhood 101 at any schools I attended. There's no step-by-step manual on how to grieve my husband. And even worse, you didnt leave a manual for everyone I come in contact with on how to understand me!

I just wish I were an open book. That way, everyone can read me and understand me...like only you know how. Gosh, I need you.

1434

TRUST

"You Had so many dreams and plans together. Your future was anticipated as a twosome."

I dont know what would be worse-the fact that we're not able to pursue the goals and plans we had for our future...or if you were still here and we had the chance to and failed?!?! There's probably a better way to say what I'm feeling but I cant find the words. All I know is that this hurts, and I cant think straight. I wish it weren't so hard to figure out how to explain how I feel. Maybe if I could express my feelings accurately, I could face them and work through them. Thank God He knows my heart...I just gotta keep on trusting. .Faith.Hope.Love.

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Goodnight, my love.

I know it's past midnight and all...but I just wanted to say happy 7 years, and goodnight sweetheart! And thank you, once again, for everything! And I mean EVERYTHING! Being in love with someone who is so in love with me right back is the best feeling in the entire world. I'll forever love being in love with you. I love that I can still see your fine face even when my eyes are closed because I gives me peace knowing you'll always be with me. So, goodnight my honey-bunches-of-oats. I'll see you in my dreams:).

1434

In the Kitchen (Again)

So, a couple weeks ago I told you about how I finally started cooking again. My first creation was my enchilladas and while they were a hit, the process was all off! I couldnt stand not having you here to help mix it all up and taste-test for me! Sounds silly, but we had a good system going when it came to stuff that took hours like enchilladas, ceviche, lumpia, etc...

Well tonight was another "first" for me. My first time whippin together my seafood pasta salad without you. It didnt take hours, but the entire time I thought about the weeks it took us to perfect the recipe. There was even a recipe we tried that you did NOT like, at all! That was the one and only time I knew of you not liking something! We found a bunch of variations online and after a lot of tweaking we finally came up with the right stuff for THE perfect creation! :)

I loved cooking for you! And I was never satisfied with an "it's good" cuz you thought EVERYTHING was "good"! LoL I always strived to make you ask me to cook something again. That's how I knew you really, REALLY liked something:). Betcha didnt know that, huh?!?!

Well, I just had to share that with ya. It sucks that the emotions couldnt stop after my first time finally cooking again. Looks like I'll add some tears to each dish I cook up for the first time. (Sorry Girls! I'll just add less salt! LoL)

1434

Mr. Macgyver

I had 2 charley horses within 6 hours today. The pain level is equivalent to labor pains, if you ask me! I was talkin to Ate Sette about it when I got a flashback to when we first started working out again and I got 'em a lot. I'd wake you up screaming in pain! One time, you and your Mcgyver brain decided to create a way to keep it from happening for a second night in a row. You placed a heating pad on my calf, took a bed sheet and wrapped it around my toes, pulled them back, wrapped the sheet around my calf to keep the heating pad snug, then tied the sheet below my knee. Ahhhh...I miss the way you loved me!

1434

Fly like a G6

I remember sitting in the Skyline High School parking lot waiting for Keila to get outta school and the "Fly like a G6" song came on the radio. I couldn't remember what a G6 was, so I asked you and you couldn't remember either. So, I went back to reading my book. Then I got a text from you (while sitting right next to you) w/ a link to some website defining it. LoL

I cracked-up so hard because it was so cute!!! I miss how you would remind us of that one cell phone commercial where a husband was so in-to his phone that when he and his wife were standing in front of a movie theater, he HAD TO use his phone to look-up movie times still! LoL That was sooooooooo my geek-man:)

Aaaahhh...I miss your geekiness. 1434

February 1st means...

Valentines Day is just around the corner. I sucks that I'm dreading what used to be my favorite-ist day ever!

Short but sweet...

Today was a much better day than the last 2. I know that doesnt say much, but it is what it is. Not a great day, but a better day.

I miss you...I wish you were here to tuck me in...I love you more!

Monday's over!

Hey babe-less than half an hour ago, I mentioned how the closest I came to crying all day yesterday was tearing up while I was talking about you to Emily...well, that was Monday. Now it's Tuesday and I just had a good cry watching Criminal Minds, thanks to a scene where a police office had to give a notification of death to the victims father. Funny thing is...I've seen the episode before and knew what to expect! LoL Now I'm all messed up again! ;) 1434

143

So, I went back to the site to view the gallery/slide show and I noticed that I uploaded exactly 143 pictures! How appropriate:)!!!  143...4 babee!!!!

I LOVE YOU MORE!!!!!!

Wow babee...I just uploaded a bunch of pictures to the memorial site and just wanted to take a moment to say I love you more than white chocolate resees peanut butter cups...to infinity and beyond! ;) I miss your hugs, kisses, winks from across the room, and your warm and sweaty hands to hold. I hear your laugh and your voice sometimes...and I look around as if I'll see you. I hold close the times you'd ask that we stop whatever we're doing so you could pray over our home, family, and our plans for the day. I just miss YOU!

Mr. Aragon

I miss all those times KJo and I would be rehearsing before service on Sunday's and I'd call you "Babe" or "Baby"...think to myself that it's probably not appropriate for me to call you that over the mic...so I'd call you "Mr. Aragon". It was always so weird for me to simply call you "Mark"! LoL

I miss you Mr. Aragon! Love you more:).

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