Day 108
Do not be discouraged if it feels as though you are going backward at times--sometimes forward, sometimes backward. That is the natural process of grief.
If you are bringing your hurts and fears to God, if you desire to move forward toward healing, if you are learning about the grieving process and trying to apply some things you have learned, then you are making progress, even when you do not feel you are.
Dora, whose daughter passed away, says, "Sometimes you will think, Last week I could cope with this, and this week I can't, and then you'll think, I'm not getting any better. I'm not making any progress. Then you'll take a big leap forward. There's no timeline."
You, too, will take that big leap forward as time goes on. For now, concentrate on the small victories over the pain--fewer tears, a smile, helping another person, reading and understanding a Bible passage, replacing a negative thought with a positive thought, forgiving a wrong.
"We also pray that you will be strengthened with his glorious power so that you will have all the patience and endurance you need" (Colossians 1:11 NLT).
Father God, when I get discouraged because it feels like I'm going backward and not forward, help me to stop trying so hard and allow You to be my support and strength. Amen
Man, these GriefShare emails have been "right on time" lately!!! This one, in particular, totally speaks to my heart! Whoever's sending these emails must be reading my blog! LoL
Reading through my posts, I can see all the ups and downs...but the most encouraging thing I can tell is that my ability to function in "life" just keeps getting better and better! I could barely manage to take care of myself in November! But I started progressing in December, and by January I no longer required 24-hour supervision. January is when I started to get on somewhat of a schedule with the girls school schedule. It was tough, I ain't gonna lie! Especially with the insomnia! But I'm a momma and had to get my girls to and from school regardless.
February came around and A LOT changed, like I mentioned yesterday! Missing you didn't change, nor did the sadness and pain that came along with it. But while I felt like things were getting worse, they were actually getting better in a way. I think the more productive I get - the more "normal" things I do throughout the day, the more reasons I find to miss you more. All the things that the girls and I have to do now that you used to do, and all the things we used to do together that we now have to do without you...these are the things we we're running into more and more these days. The "firsts" always make us stop and reminisce...sometimes cry. But then we get back to the daily grind until the next "first".
I figure March will be a lot like February. In fact, I think it'll be this way until I finally land a job and things get even more "normal". All I know is that I'm not scared of rollercoasters like I used to be thanks to the ride I've been on since 11/4/2010, and the ride won't be stopping anytime soon.
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