March? Seriously?

March snuck up on me. I thought that after the holidays...your 3 month Heavenly b'day...and Valentines Day I'd be prepared for March. But no, I'm not!

Your 4 month H-b'day is in a couple days, followed by what would've been your 33rd b'day, then the 7 year anniversary of the day we met (which we considered our anniversary because it's the day that our lives forever changed, even as "just friends"), then our wedding anniversary on the 24th. Call me crazy, but thats a lot to take-in! In just the month of March!

I'm praying I dont get all messed-up all over again... I should be fine considering I've progressed so much in the last month or so. I have a mentor now who's helping me grow in my faith and through my grief, Annah & I started a BFF Bible study on the book of Philippians, Keila and I have started working out regularly, I've gotten a lot more sleep than usual, school started for me today, and I'm more active in my job search. Thats a lot of progress, if you ask me!

I'm still at war though. Theres a constant, daily battle within me that makes everything else in my life so hard to get through! Sometimes I feel like its just so much easier to act like you're just on vacation or a business trip or something and that you'll be back to make things better like you always do. Its so much simpler to do that! But I fight each day and have to remind myself that you arent coming back and I wont get to see you again until the Lord calls me home...to your arms, and in His care.

I had a nice, peaceful time gazing at the 2 stars I found last night. I just sat there reminiscing about our relationship since day 1, and although tears fell, it was so soothing. I laughed thinking about how ticklish you are, shook my head at all the times you would leave the toilet seat up in a house full of girls, felt all warm and fuzzy from all your romantic gestures, kicked myself thinking of any stupid misunderstandings we had, and cried wishing we could do it all over again...

I miss you, I love you, I miss you more, and I love you more honeylicious!