5 Months already???

(I had to make some corrections...it's been 5 months - not 6. I've been "off" all day!!!)

I spent all day long searching and applying for jobs on the net. This search has been so painful! Part of me wants to believe that the employers I've interviewed with are just afraid to hire me because of the drastic life changes that have occured in my life in the last six months... For the first couple months, I was using my markandlei.com email address so I changed it after thinking that people I'm sending my resumes to might be following my rollercoaster of emotions on my blog! Maybe I should write more about how I CAN handle a job amidst these emotions cuz my momma raised me that way. It's that RUIZ blood flowin through my veins!

So, five months have come and gone...I was tellin the girls this morning that half a year (I meant "almost half a year"...I've been OFF all day!) has gone by so fast and that before we know it, your 1st Heavenly birthday will be here. FIVE MONTHS, and at times I still feel like you're just "away" and can be back any moment. I wonder if that feeling will ever end?!?! Or, is feeling this way God's way of helping me make it through each day? His way of "weaning" me off of living a life with you, to a life without you?

I guess that no matter what His will is for me in all this, I just gotta continue to trust that it is what it is - HIS will, not my own. These jobs I've applied to, no matter how perfect I may think they'd be, are NOT in line with HIS will for me. As long as I am doing my part and actively seeking a job in order to provide for our family, I MUST TRUST that HE WILL PROVIDE! Just as he has since day one.

I really, REALLY miss you! Happy 5 month Heavenly birthday booboose...1434.