Thanks to my lovely bff Nicole, I went back to the beginning of this never-ending letter to you and started reading. I did pretty well until December 17th where what I wrote is exactly what I woke-up feeling today...without realizing I wrote about it before! (Make sense? LoL)
"I still get those feelings of disbelief now and then. The numbness comes and goes and so does acceptance of reality. It's wierd because I am fully aware that you're gone, so I know i'm in touch with reality...but there are times when I have to remind myself that you're not coming back. When I say "I miss you so much it hurts", I literally mean that it hurts! I go thru the same thing everyday: I'll recall a memory, laugh or feel comforted by it, then hurt so bad because I'll never get to experience that memory with you again. It's a never-ending cycle and although I have hope and know that the Lord brought me to it, so He'll bring me thru it, it's so painful."
I just had to stop reading a moment to share that. It's so amazing how God not only uses your old writings and memories to minister to me now that you're gone; but he also uses ME to minister to ME! What a blessing!
I miss and love you more my fresh prince:)
Here's my letter to you, Mark Matthew Aragon. The LOVE of my life, and Papa to our girls, who's Heavenly birthday is 11/04/2010. There's so much I want to say and if Heaven had a phone, I'd call. Missing & loving you more everyday, Lei
