Good-Bad Day

Today was wierd...most of the day was painful, but there were quite a few happy moments. I guess you can say I had a good bad day. I'm not gonna waste finger-energy on the bad cuz I'll end up with carpal tunnel and I don't wanna think about it all anyways.

Keila and I picked-up Monse from the airport at noon. I love my Monse:)! She's such a breath of fresh air. After that, we went to the Haights to kill time before picking-up Isa and Jin from school. We got to hang out...I had a good bad cry...and found my way to Cassie's heart - she's super ticklish on her feet! :) Oh, that little girl. She's even cute when she's grumpy! LoL

Then we picked-up the girls and came home. Next thing I knew, Rydia and Serena (Keila's bff's from elementary school) came over. I heard "where's mama?", then Rydia came up to me with a beautiful basket of flowers, a balloon, and FERRERO ROCHER's! Oh boy...this girl knows how to make me smile:). It was the sweetest unexpected thing ever! I just love having kids I didn't give birth to:) LoL.

So, the big girls went out to eat. An hour later they dropped off some WING STOP! Goodness gracious - this is when I realized that God sent her over to put a smile on my face! The girls and I ate then headed to AWANAs. I dropped the girls off and hung out at Peet's coffee and read.

After AWANAs, the girls both came to the car with HUGE smiles! Jincompleted her Trek book and memorized SEVENTY-EIGHT Scripture verses, and Isa memorized FORTY-EIGHT! That's way more than I've memorized myself, and I'm a little older than them (wink-wink). And not just memorized either...they've studied these verses most nights each week right after doing their homework - like clockwork. They sure make me wanna step-up my game! I love being inspired by the girls. It's such a blessing.

So those were the highlights. I definately havn't lost sight of my blessings (Thank GOD). There is one thing that has stuck with me since this afternoon. Ate Sette and I were talking about a conversation she had with a friend of hers who's a widow too. She told Ate Sette something along the lines of as a widow, we have to learn to live with pain. Wow! That is such a profound truth!

My pain and longing for you will never go away, but I must learn to live despite it all. There's no way around it. I have to find a way to make it through for myself, the kids, and in order for God to use me in whatever way He see's fit. After six months, I still don't know how to live or where I'm going without you. But I need to hurry up and figure it out! So, I've decided that today, your 6 month Hb'day, will mark the beginning of a new me. I don't know yet what that means, exactly...but I will consciously make efforts throughout each day to learning how to LIVE WITH PAIN.

I miss you with all my mind, heart and soul...1434.