JOY!

Yesterday was a loooooooooooong day! It was especially long because I didn't sleep till around 3:30am, and was up at 6:30. I picked up mom and dad and headed to Oakland for Uncle Alvin's memorial service. It was such a beautiful service! The Gospel was preached, and his memory was honored by many who shared. I couldn't help but think of you the whole time! So many of the qualities others used to describe Uncle Alvin were the exact same as qualities you had. Thoughtful-always showing concern for others; Dependable-always did whatever you could, and if for some reason you couldn't, you'd help find a way; Passionate-you always gave 100% of yourself in all you did; Loyal-completely and undoubtingly devoted to us; and the list goes on... Many spoke of his obvious love and care for Auntie Kim. I belive that was when I cried the most. Many also made a point to mention his love of food:). LoL One random thought - I was taken back by how many people at the service spoke fluent tagalog, as well as Chinese! It put me to shame...I'm not even fluent in my own language!

The pastor shared about how all the unpleasant aches, pains and discomforts that come with aging are all there to point our eyes and our thoughts to Heaven. To remind us that while our earthly bodies will decay, our heavenly bodies will not. I thought of the song: "This world is not my home I'm just passing through. My treasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue. The angels beckon me from Heaven's open door and I can't feel at home in this world anymore".

I'm definately NOT suicidal or anything, but I can definately say that I don't feel at home in this world anymore! I don't know how to explain it, but I don't even feel at home at our house?!? We've lived here for 2-1/2 months, but I still feel like a visitor. Which is wierd because, who am I visiting? Myself? LoL Seriously though, I dream about Heaven! Being in Jesus presence - for real! To see His holiness with my own eyes...WoW!

After the service, I posted this on FB:

When the Good Lord calls me home, I want only ONE memorial service after I'm cremated, followed by a reception at any pizza joint w/ room.

I want only the GOSPEL from my personal Bible preached and loved ones to share about my life and my faith in God. Of course, talk about how I loved Mark MORE... That not specific enough? OK-I want personalized jewelry to be made for each of my children, nephews and nieces (and spouses) which will each contain my remains. They must wear it at all times! Also, I'd like my siblings to wear hot-pink mumu's (yes, including my bro/sis-in-laws)...and mom and dad have to wear neon green sweatsuits. My grand nieces/nephews (and spouses) have to wear electric-blue footsie pajamas. That specific enough yet?

Hahaha!!! Another conversation that keeps replaying in my head is from about a week before you passed away. We were in the kitchen w/ the girls, and I don't know how we got on the subject, but I said "when I die, I want to be cremated and Papa has to bring me to Hawaii and spread my remains. That way, he can fulfill his promise to take me to Hawaii!" ;) Of course, it was all in fun spirits...

I attended the mentorship orientation for the womens ministry today. I'm so excited to be mentored thru this grieving process! To have a woman with biblical knowledge and the wisdom of life experiences to hold me accountable and help me strengthen my faith is exactly what my heart desires. I don't want to lose sight of HEAVEN! I refuse to lose FAITH! And I want to feel JOY 24/7... I feel like i'm going crazy a lot. My moods and my emotions change constantly throughout everyday, and while I haven't "lost" my joy, I tend to let the rollercoaster of moods and emotions overcome me while I put the joy in my pocket for later use. I can't stand that I do that...but it's that darn human nature again, which is an excuse I HATE! I never stopped having an immeasurable amount of blessings to be thankful and joyful for...I just find myself CHOOSING to act like the hardships I go thru are more significant. Which is so NOT the case!

Anyways babee-I should be finding out who my mentor will be in the next week or so and I can't wait. The way I see it-the closer I get to the Lord, I get the added benefit of getting closer to you too:). 1434