I got all excited with I saw tonight's GriefShare email's subject. For a second there I thought they were FINALLY off the whole "remarriage" topic! I was wrong! BUT, the email still related to me, once I edited it:)
Godly Support from Others
Day 151
Praise God when you have received godly support and wise counsel from other people...Christ-based guidance and encouragement will help to direct your path.
God wants you to seek the advice of others, and He will give you discernment to filter out the directions that are not from Him.
"Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed" (Proverbs 15:22).
Wonderful Lord, all wisdom, power, counsel, and understanding belong to You. Lead me to those people who will support me in following Your path for my life. Amen.
I never took a class on "Widowhood 101" or studied "What to expect when your spouse dies". You taking your last breath at age 32 never even crossed my mind...ever! I became a grieving widow and single-mother of 2 in one horrible minute. The minute the police officer said "there's been a collision and your husband didn't make it", EVERYTHING changed! And I wasn't prepared for any of it...
A lot of the first few weeks are a blur, but one thing I do remember is the love, godly support and wise counsel we received from friends and family. Because of the life-changing help we got from them, I now pray everyday specifically for people going through what we went through - but without loved ones by their side. My heart truly aches just to think of how alone they must feel at such an intense, painful time of their lives.
I was beyond blessed to have family who I could say "just tell me where to sign" to and trust that they'll handle all the details. Details are the LAST thing a grieving widow, who's still suffering from the shock of losing her man, wants to deal with!
God has plans for me, and I really feel that he wants to use me in some way in the capacity of reaching out and helping widows in need. I don't know what, how, or any of the details yet, but I sure didn't come-up with this idea on my own. I'm the last person to think that I am capable of helping others in my situation - at least while I'm still "goin thru it". But it's not about me. Not one bit.
Missing you will never cease, and loving you MORE will continue to grow more and more each day. Goodnight my honey-bunches-of-oats. 1434
Here's my letter to you, Mark Matthew Aragon. The LOVE of my life, and Papa to our girls, who's Heavenly birthday is 11/04/2010. There's so much I want to say and if Heaven had a phone, I'd call. Missing & loving you more everyday, Lei
Friday, April 15, 2011
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Blessings, Laura Story
Songs like this are why I decided a week ago that the only radio station to be played in my car is KLOVE! Seriously! Keila laughed as she hit all the presets on the radio and found them all to be KLOVE:). "Blessings" couldn't have played at a more perfect time than this morning as I was taking the girls to school. With all that's been happening in my life, I'm finally at a place where music helps me make sense of it all - again!
Even though I've been studying James 1:2-18 with my mentor for months now, it hasn't been easy to live it, no matter how TRUE I know it to be.
Testing of Your Faith
2 Count it all JOY, my brothers,when you meet trials of various kinds,
3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.
4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.
6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.
7 For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord;
8 he is a double-minded man,unstable in all his ways.
9 Let the lowly brother boast in his exaltation,
10 and the rich in his humiliation, because like a flower of the grass he will pass away.
11 For the sun rises with its scorching heat and withers the grass; its flower falls, and its beauty perishes. So also will the rich man fade away in the midst of his pursuits.
12 Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.
13 Let no one say when he is tempted, "I am being tempted by God," for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one.
14 But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire.
15 Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.
16 Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers.
17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.
18 Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures.
For a while, music depressed me and it drove me crazy, considering how much of a positive impact it has had on my life for as long as I can remember. But I thank GOD for bringing me back to this place...the pain and the wounds are still fresh, but God is truly revealing the extensive healing I've been receiving throughout this whole process - more than I could ever realize on my own.
Here's the story behind the song "Blessings" by Laura Story:
...and here's the song, my love.1434:)
Even though I've been studying James 1:2-18 with my mentor for months now, it hasn't been easy to live it, no matter how TRUE I know it to be.
Testing of Your Faith
2 Count it all JOY, my brothers,when you meet trials of various kinds,
3 for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.
4 And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.
6 But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind.
7 For that person must not suppose that he will receive anything from the Lord;
8 he is a double-minded man,unstable in all his ways.
9 Let the lowly brother boast in his exaltation,
10 and the rich in his humiliation, because like a flower of the grass he will pass away.
11 For the sun rises with its scorching heat and withers the grass; its flower falls, and its beauty perishes. So also will the rich man fade away in the midst of his pursuits.
12 Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.
13 Let no one say when he is tempted, "I am being tempted by God," for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one.
14 But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire.
15 Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.
16 Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers.
17 Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.
18 Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures.
For a while, music depressed me and it drove me crazy, considering how much of a positive impact it has had on my life for as long as I can remember. But I thank GOD for bringing me back to this place...the pain and the wounds are still fresh, but God is truly revealing the extensive healing I've been receiving throughout this whole process - more than I could ever realize on my own.
Here's the story behind the song "Blessings" by Laura Story:
...and here's the song, my love.1434:)
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Getting Back On Track!
I have a confession to make (although, you must already know since you're my guardian angel). My workout routine has been nonexistant since Vegas! And for about 2 weeks before Vegas, I only walked a couple of days each week.
Whew! There! I said (typed) it, and now I feel like a huge weight has been lifted! I feel horrible - it wasn't till last night that I did a little power-walking, but it was in the middle of the COLD night and I cut the walk short when I couldn't feel my hands anymore cuz they were frozen!
I wasn't just lazy, sitting on my butt though - I was doing some intense job searching online. Online applications, follow-up emails, etc... Not an excuse for not working out, I know. Which is why I feel horrible!
SO, I just spent a couple hours adding Zumba, Hot Hula, Camp24 and Kickboxing classes to my google calendar (which sync's w/ my phone's calendar) so I can be reminded daily to get to the gym.
It's wierd that even though you're not physicall here, I still feel you holding me accountable for my health! In a way, I'm more disappointed that YOU know I haven't been working out, than anything. Thanks for being such a constant inspiration for me. Gotta get some sleep cuz Keila and I have a 9am Zumba class:). Then, Hot Hula in the evening! Goodnight my love. 1434
Whew! There! I said (typed) it, and now I feel like a huge weight has been lifted! I feel horrible - it wasn't till last night that I did a little power-walking, but it was in the middle of the COLD night and I cut the walk short when I couldn't feel my hands anymore cuz they were frozen!
I wasn't just lazy, sitting on my butt though - I was doing some intense job searching online. Online applications, follow-up emails, etc... Not an excuse for not working out, I know. Which is why I feel horrible!
SO, I just spent a couple hours adding Zumba, Hot Hula, Camp24 and Kickboxing classes to my google calendar (which sync's w/ my phone's calendar) so I can be reminded daily to get to the gym.
It's wierd that even though you're not physicall here, I still feel you holding me accountable for my health! In a way, I'm more disappointed that YOU know I haven't been working out, than anything. Thanks for being such a constant inspiration for me. Gotta get some sleep cuz Keila and I have a 9am Zumba class:). Then, Hot Hula in the evening! Goodnight my love. 1434
Made of Honor
The movie "Made of Honor" just started on FX. Just seeing the title on the channel guide got me all emotional and stuff... As I started watching it, I smiled and immediately searched for this pic! I'll never forget this date night;)
Oh babee. Good times...
1434
Oh babee. Good times...
1434
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
03.11.2004 = 11
Remember when we started trippin over all the coincidences and similarities we found in eachother and in our pasts??? And all the wierd things that we found so intriguing??? How bout this one:
We met on March 11, 2004. 3 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 0 + 0 + 4 = 11
Hahahahaha!!! Can you send me some sign to help me find the card you gave me where you told me about that please??? :) I remember feeling like I did when you first had me looking for the arrow in the FedEx logo!!! Ahhhhh - the memories:).
We met on March 11, 2004. 3 + 1 + 1 + 2 + 0 + 0 + 4 = 11
Hahahahaha!!! Can you send me some sign to help me find the card you gave me where you told me about that please??? :) I remember feeling like I did when you first had me looking for the arrow in the FedEx logo!!! Ahhhhh - the memories:).
Monday, April 11, 2011
I hacked Mommy's bloggg!!!!!!!
Hey Papa, it's Jin! I hacked Momma's blog, MUAHAHAHAHA.
Well as you might've heard from Momma, I'm writing a letter to you saying how much I miss you and how much it isn't the same without you here. Just keep in mind that this is from back in March. (Mommy shared some of this already). So here it is...
Dear Papa,
I have been thinking a lot these past months. Thinking about my family, new friends, school, but everyone in this house has mostly been talking about you. About how we miss you so much, and how great you've made an impact on our lives. I just want to say that I am so very thankful that I got to have you in my life.
You were with us throughout our lives, through the good times and the bad. But now most of the time I have no one to help me wih my homework, watch over us, take us to hula and church on the weekends, take us to school every day after you get off of work at fedex then get ready for work at bestbuy right after, scare boys away when they talk to us, ect. There is just so much that I just can't think of at this time. Even though our family and other people can do those things for us, no one in my life could ever do it the way that you did. You were the provider of our family even though you were only with us for part of our lives, you were a real father to us and now I'm so lost I don't know what to do. Like sometimes when there is something wrong with Mommy I don't know how to comfort her the same way that you do, when she has a headache I don't know how to dig my knuckles into her head like you'd do.
I just wish that you were still here. I would give up anything to go back to the way that is was before. I'm glad that your at a place where there is no worrying, no suffering, no hurting, but I just wish you didn't have to go the way that you did.
This isn't really for me, mostly for Momma, but I can tell that she is sad when she watches elderly couples walk by and wishes that it was you and her. I feel the same way when I see fathers walking their children to school or when there are father daoughter dances, but that's just the way that some lives have to go.
I know that holidays are going to be hard ones for us, like your birthday, the new years, christmas, and valentines day(which was a hard one for Momma), then the ones that we still have to go through like Easter, also my 13th birthday, this summer, halloween, then back again to the previous ones. We're doing pretty good now though.
Like we're going to really good scholls, we have lots of food(which by the way never compares to the food that you'd make), a nice car, lots of support from the family, etc. But nothing compare to living with you here with us. It might feel like we have everything we ever needed right now, but I feel tht without you here anymore my life isn't complete. But don't think it's only me, you are dearly missed by your family, friends, and people who only said hi to you once.
The last thing is Bungee Soccer, it won't be the same without you videotaping the games to help me improve myself for upcoming games, and you there to cheer me on with the rest of our family.
Well this is all for tonight. Talk to you soon, LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!
(PS... Mommy loves you more!)
Love,
Jin
Well as you might've heard from Momma, I'm writing a letter to you saying how much I miss you and how much it isn't the same without you here. Just keep in mind that this is from back in March. (Mommy shared some of this already). So here it is...
Dear Papa,
I have been thinking a lot these past months. Thinking about my family, new friends, school, but everyone in this house has mostly been talking about you. About how we miss you so much, and how great you've made an impact on our lives. I just want to say that I am so very thankful that I got to have you in my life.
You were with us throughout our lives, through the good times and the bad. But now most of the time I have no one to help me wih my homework, watch over us, take us to hula and church on the weekends, take us to school every day after you get off of work at fedex then get ready for work at bestbuy right after, scare boys away when they talk to us, ect. There is just so much that I just can't think of at this time. Even though our family and other people can do those things for us, no one in my life could ever do it the way that you did. You were the provider of our family even though you were only with us for part of our lives, you were a real father to us and now I'm so lost I don't know what to do. Like sometimes when there is something wrong with Mommy I don't know how to comfort her the same way that you do, when she has a headache I don't know how to dig my knuckles into her head like you'd do.
I just wish that you were still here. I would give up anything to go back to the way that is was before. I'm glad that your at a place where there is no worrying, no suffering, no hurting, but I just wish you didn't have to go the way that you did.
This isn't really for me, mostly for Momma, but I can tell that she is sad when she watches elderly couples walk by and wishes that it was you and her. I feel the same way when I see fathers walking their children to school or when there are father daoughter dances, but that's just the way that some lives have to go.
I know that holidays are going to be hard ones for us, like your birthday, the new years, christmas, and valentines day(which was a hard one for Momma), then the ones that we still have to go through like Easter, also my 13th birthday, this summer, halloween, then back again to the previous ones. We're doing pretty good now though.
Like we're going to really good scholls, we have lots of food(which by the way never compares to the food that you'd make), a nice car, lots of support from the family, etc. But nothing compare to living with you here with us. It might feel like we have everything we ever needed right now, but I feel tht without you here anymore my life isn't complete. But don't think it's only me, you are dearly missed by your family, friends, and people who only said hi to you once.
The last thing is Bungee Soccer, it won't be the same without you videotaping the games to help me improve myself for upcoming games, and you there to cheer me on with the rest of our family.
Well this is all for tonight. Talk to you soon, LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!
(PS... Mommy loves you more!)
Love,
Jin
Never Forget You
I just watched our 04/26/09 baptisms on DVD. I love hearing you say how much you love me and the girls in the middle of your testimony:) Hearing you talk about how you took it upon yourself to seek out a Bible-preaching church and explain how "overwhelmed with love" you felt when you went to a service brought tears to my eyes. I remember like it was yesterday how you would always ask me what the pastor preached about when I'd call you on my way home from church. And it's such a blessing to know how much you learned from me telling you about what I learned!
Then right after you were baptized, it was my turn. I whipped-out my novel/testimony and read it out loud. I kept going back over and over again to where I said "I married the man who I believe God created just for me and as a family, we attended church services at an amazing church."
I really did! God created you just for me...and I thank Him for you every single day.
If I were given a chance to speak from my heart to yours for one minute before you left, knowing I'd never get to say anything to you on this earth again, I'd repeat over and over again "I'll always love you, I'll never forget you, I'll miss you, and I'll continue to thank God for you everyday."
1434
Then right after you were baptized, it was my turn. I whipped-out my novel/testimony and read it out loud. I kept going back over and over again to where I said "I married the man who I believe God created just for me and as a family, we attended church services at an amazing church."
I really did! God created you just for me...and I thank Him for you every single day.
If I were given a chance to speak from my heart to yours for one minute before you left, knowing I'd never get to say anything to you on this earth again, I'd repeat over and over again "I'll always love you, I'll never forget you, I'll miss you, and I'll continue to thank God for you everyday."
1434
Sunday, April 10, 2011
157
It's been approximately 157 days since I last saw your smiling face. One Hundred Fifty Seven loooooooooooooong days and nights without you here with me. On the bright side, that's 157 days of you living in eternal paradise...but for us down here without you that's 157 days of painfully missing you.
I wonder if there'll be a day I DON'T sniff your cologne, say hi and bye to your picture when I walk in and out of my room, read our old messages to eachother and AIM chat logs, think about what we'd be doing or where we'd be at random times during the day if you were here...
Probably not, because I can't imagine life without you-even though I'm technically living life without you. You remain a constant in my life and I wouldn't have it any other way...unless God were to send you back to me, but that's a long shot! :)
So, I'll just continue my days talking to you when I'm alone in my car, missing your presence everywhere I go, and loving you MORE! Goodnight sweetness.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)