Here's Mama & DDdy with their "Magnificient 7"! We all love and miss you babee! 1434
Here's my letter to you, Mark Matthew Aragon. The LOVE of my life, and Papa to our girls, who's Heavenly birthday is 11/04/2010. There's so much I want to say and if Heaven had a phone, I'd call. Missing & loving you more everyday, Lei
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Remember when...
We celebrated Daddy's 80th b'day today. What's funny is that we celebrated his 79th at the same place last year, and you got to be a part of it. Why did we go big for his 79th knowing we'd do the same thing for his 80th??? My guess is cuz the good Lord knew you wouldn't be here this year. Jus sayin...
We had such a nice time celebrating with family and friends-old and new. Not many people live such full lives, make it to 80, and still keep going at practically the same pace! He's still a full-time disciple maker and he has no plans on quitting. I spoke to him the other day about how Keila's dream is to have him walk her down the isle when she gets married...he said "ok" with such certainty.
Right now we're at the Lails for the after-party, as usual. Justin made Daddy a slideshow and at first I was fine watching it...till a picture of you came up. I still kept my cool...only a few tears-until all the slides from Mama & Daddy's 50th wedding anniversary. Other than Mama, who you had met earlier in 2006 when she came out to visit in SoCal, it was your first time meeting my entire family! All at once (you poor thing)!
So I started ballin...reminiscing about the official introduction at the Cabreras house. Everyone was acting a fool (lol), but you kept your cool and ended up leaving the house that night as part of the family. No awkwardness at all...you made your way into everyones hearts with ease. It was beautiful!
I excused myself from the family room in the middle of the slideshow, went outside with my mimosa and cried. Like a baby! Seriously...I let it all out! It hurt to think that we'll never get a chance to celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary. Our grandkids will never get a chance to put 50 years of pictures into a slideshow. In fact, we won't even have 50 years of pictures!
*sigh* THIS SUCKS!!! But no matter what, I thank God for the pictures and memories we do have. Even though they're from a "short" period of time, they're more than enough to last forever. God made sure of that by giving us such a rare love to share.
1434
Looooooong day...Part 2
Nothing like last minute plans to meet-up at BJ's for more family love:). It's not everyday all 7 of us Ruiz siblings are all together at the same time!
I brought Lala to pick up her graduation tickets this morning. I can't believe they only allow 8 guests per graduate! What's up with that??? And even more so, I can't believe she's graduating:(. Someone needs to get their finger off that fast forward button already! Too much, too fast! BUT, I am still so very proud of all her accomplishments...more than anything, I'm proud of the woman she's grown into.
Today is the second day in a row that I haven't taken the time to sit and be still in the Word. I feel it...and I'm not proud of it. So, I'm gonna cut this short, spend some quiet time with my Heavenly Father, then sleep. Got another loooooooong day ahead of us w/ Daddy's 80th b'day shindig, followed by another family kick-it session:).
Goodnight babee...1434
I brought Lala to pick up her graduation tickets this morning. I can't believe they only allow 8 guests per graduate! What's up with that??? And even more so, I can't believe she's graduating:(. Someone needs to get their finger off that fast forward button already! Too much, too fast! BUT, I am still so very proud of all her accomplishments...more than anything, I'm proud of the woman she's grown into.
Today is the second day in a row that I haven't taken the time to sit and be still in the Word. I feel it...and I'm not proud of it. So, I'm gonna cut this short, spend some quiet time with my Heavenly Father, then sleep. Got another loooooooong day ahead of us w/ Daddy's 80th b'day shindig, followed by another family kick-it session:).
Goodnight babee...1434
Friday, June 10, 2011
Looooooong day...
Sorry babe - I have much to say, but I'm EXHAUSTED (again)! Facebook gave me a hard time trying to upload pics. I'm finally done and am gonna get some sleep. ttyl - 1434.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
FAITH
"Focusing on God often causes Him to draw near to your grieving heart, bringing you the assurance that He needs the one who has died. The Lord will assure you He has called the eager, enthusiastic spirit of your departed loved one to stand with the invisible yet liberated, living, and radiant multitude. And as this thought enters your mind, along with the knowledge that your loved one is engaged in a great heavenly mission, a song begins in your heart."
I the busyness of yesterday, I failed to take time to read my Streams in the Desert devotional for the day. So I read it today, before reading today's, and THAT was the encouraging word that was spoken into my life.
The part that really stuck out is "your loved one is engaged in a great heavenly mission...". That makes so much sense! Your passing has caused hundreds of people to look in the mirror, reflect on what they see...the lives they've led...their relationship with our Heavenly Father. And as a result, lives have been changed and hearts have been won over by Christ.
Today's message was on FAITH. "Faith can change ANY situation, no matter how dark or difficult. Lifting your heart to God in a moment of genuine faith in Him can quickly alter your circumstancees."
Losing you forced me to see just how little control I have in life. How plans can fail so tragically, without warning. You planned to go to work that early morning, but you never made it. We planned on renewing our vows in a small Christian ceremony with our family and friends on 11/11/11, but that won't be happening. We looked forward to growing old together...watching our girls become women, and spoiling our grandkids rotten - but instead I'll be filling their heads with memories of their Grandpapa so they'll feel like they know you.
There's nothing wrong with plans. They're a necessary part of life here on earth. BUT, it's important to understand that circumstances can change plans. Once the funeral was over and we started living each day without you, the realization that all of the hopes, dreams and goals we had together ended the day you left overwhelmed me. In fact, it wasn't till recently that I really looked at my current situation and realized "Mark wouldn't want me to be a mess like this!"
That realization had majority to do with you. The man you were, and the way we functioned as a family while you were here. FAITH! Believing God's Word and TRUSTING that His Will is perfect and right. Standing firm on His promises. No matter how "crappy" our situation seemed from the outside, we were happy because of our faith. We trusted that as long as we did our part, God had us where He wanted us at the time and was working in us to bring us to where He wanted us in the future.
I LOVE having bible study with you babe:). Until tomorrow...1434.
I the busyness of yesterday, I failed to take time to read my Streams in the Desert devotional for the day. So I read it today, before reading today's, and THAT was the encouraging word that was spoken into my life.
The part that really stuck out is "your loved one is engaged in a great heavenly mission...". That makes so much sense! Your passing has caused hundreds of people to look in the mirror, reflect on what they see...the lives they've led...their relationship with our Heavenly Father. And as a result, lives have been changed and hearts have been won over by Christ.
Today's message was on FAITH. "Faith can change ANY situation, no matter how dark or difficult. Lifting your heart to God in a moment of genuine faith in Him can quickly alter your circumstancees."
Losing you forced me to see just how little control I have in life. How plans can fail so tragically, without warning. You planned to go to work that early morning, but you never made it. We planned on renewing our vows in a small Christian ceremony with our family and friends on 11/11/11, but that won't be happening. We looked forward to growing old together...watching our girls become women, and spoiling our grandkids rotten - but instead I'll be filling their heads with memories of their Grandpapa so they'll feel like they know you.
There's nothing wrong with plans. They're a necessary part of life here on earth. BUT, it's important to understand that circumstances can change plans. Once the funeral was over and we started living each day without you, the realization that all of the hopes, dreams and goals we had together ended the day you left overwhelmed me. In fact, it wasn't till recently that I really looked at my current situation and realized "Mark wouldn't want me to be a mess like this!"
That realization had majority to do with you. The man you were, and the way we functioned as a family while you were here. FAITH! Believing God's Word and TRUSTING that His Will is perfect and right. Standing firm on His promises. No matter how "crappy" our situation seemed from the outside, we were happy because of our faith. We trusted that as long as we did our part, God had us where He wanted us at the time and was working in us to bring us to where He wanted us in the future.
I LOVE having bible study with you babe:). Until tomorrow...1434.
Happy Birthday Atch!
We surprised the heck outta Atch today! After we picked-up Jin from school, we headed to Fairfield to help set-up for her big 50th bday surprise party. As usual, I missed celebrating with you...but other than that, we had a blast!!! I'm sure all my siblings would agree...Atch is the best big-sista ever! It was so nice to celebrate HER especially since she always goes BIG for all of us:).
The girls and I just got home a bit ago and are exhausted...Here's the video of the big moment. Good night baby-boo-boo-head:). 1434
The girls and I just got home a bit ago and are exhausted...Here's the video of the big moment. Good night baby-boo-boo-head:). 1434
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Mama AND Papa
I've been thinking a lot about the relationship between a parent and a child (more specifically, my relationship with the girls). As their mother, I want only what's best for them. I want each of them to become successful, HAPPY, law-abiding women. Women who love God and love others (including themselves). But that's not all...I want them to know, understand and believe in the depth of my love for them and my desire for all of the above. And even more so, act like it! I want them to know they can come to me for anything. And when I'm hard on them, it's because I want them to learn something...to be responsible...to learn from their mistakes.
My Heavenly Father wants the same for me, but on an even higher level. He wants me to seek HIM...acknowledge HIM...and acknowledge that I can't do ANYTHING without HIS sovereign power. He wants me to yell for help when I'm in a tangled mess I can't get out of on my own.
He doesn't want me to wander around aimlessly in search for my own solutions, when all the while His Word holds all the answers I need. It hurts to think of how He must feel as he watches us try to re-invent the wheel. Watching us act like we know better...but still loving us, pursuing us, and wanting what's best for us...as only a parent could.
I was reflecting on your role as Papa. It had nothing to do with obligation or relation. It was a choice you made. It wasn't something you grudgingly had to do - it was something you wanted to commit and devote your life to. THAT's partly why things have been tough for me lately in regards to single-mamahood. You saw to it that you were an active role in their everyday lives. Now that you're up there, and not down here, I gotta get myself together to be the mama I was pre-grief AND be everything you were at the same time. Thank God for our memories of you...you taught by example. Thank you for that.
1434
"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; HE delivers them from all their troubles." Psalm 34:17
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD." Isaiah 55:8
"Be thankful in ALL CIRCUMSTANCES, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:18
My Heavenly Father wants the same for me, but on an even higher level. He wants me to seek HIM...acknowledge HIM...and acknowledge that I can't do ANYTHING without HIS sovereign power. He wants me to yell for help when I'm in a tangled mess I can't get out of on my own.
He doesn't want me to wander around aimlessly in search for my own solutions, when all the while His Word holds all the answers I need. It hurts to think of how He must feel as he watches us try to re-invent the wheel. Watching us act like we know better...but still loving us, pursuing us, and wanting what's best for us...as only a parent could.
I was reflecting on your role as Papa. It had nothing to do with obligation or relation. It was a choice you made. It wasn't something you grudgingly had to do - it was something you wanted to commit and devote your life to. THAT's partly why things have been tough for me lately in regards to single-mamahood. You saw to it that you were an active role in their everyday lives. Now that you're up there, and not down here, I gotta get myself together to be the mama I was pre-grief AND be everything you were at the same time. Thank God for our memories of you...you taught by example. Thank you for that.
1434
"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; HE delivers them from all their troubles." Psalm 34:17
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD." Isaiah 55:8
"Be thankful in ALL CIRCUMSTANCES, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus." 1 Thessalonians 5:18
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Temple Reconstruction
I usually keep from posting on weekends...no specific reason, just a choice I made a few months back. But since this is your 7 month Heavenly b'day weekend, and I because I just got an amazing Grief Share email in my inbox I'm gonna share a little...
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The Sovereignty of God
Day 203
One who is sovereign has supreme power, authority, and excellence over all. Name a person on this earth who could possibly fit the above description. (ummmmmm...no one!)
God alone is sovereign. Root yourself in this truth.
"The most singular important truth I've ever learned is what my God is like, and that is what holds me," says Kay Arthur, whose husband took his life. "My God is sovereign. He rules over all. When God gets ready to move, no one can stop Him from moving. And no one can say unto Him, 'What doest thou?' because what He does is perfect. It doesn't look perfect, but He's over all and there are no accidents. So when my husband died, the truth that held me together was the sovereignty of God."
In Daniel 4, God casts King Nebuchadnezzar out of a position of wealth and authority because the king attributed the greatness of his kingdom to his own power. When the king finally realized and acknowledged that God alone is sovereign, God restored him to the throne, and Nebuchadnezzar's life became even better than it was before.
At the end of that time, I, Nebuchadnezzar, raised my eyes toward heaven, and my sanity was restored. Then I praised the Most High; I honored and glorified him who lives forever. His dominion is an eternal dominion; his kingdom endures from generation to generation. All the peoples of the earth are regarded as nothing. He does as he pleases with the powers of heaven and the peoples of the earth. No one can hold back his hand or say to him: 'What have you done?' . . . Everything he does is right and all his ways are just." (Daniel 4:34-35, 37)
God, Your ways are just and right. I do not understand it, but I must believe it. Amen.
In today's world we are more preoccupied with solving our problems than with finding God. We've got things backwards. Instead of using God to solve our problems, we need to use our problems to find God. (Finding God, Larry Crabb)
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The one thing I've been able to depend on over the last seven months is the fact that when I'm God-focused / Kingdom-focused / drenched in the TRUTH of His Word, I have peace of mind! When I dwell on my circumstances, I'm a mess.
Problem is - it takes a lot of discipline to stay focused. That's so hard to do when things are going great, and much more so in the midst of grief. It's as if the more focused I am, the more hits keep on coming. BUT, that's no excuse. I know this! So now it's time to see things from your perspective...just like I would if you were still here with us. Time for a real temple-reconstruction. Inside & out! JUST LIKE YOU'D WANT:).
Ok...I know this ended up a little longer than expected - but I just had to get it out there to end off this weekend on a good note.
Goodnight honey. 1434
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The Sovereignty of God
Day 203
One who is sovereign has supreme power, authority, and excellence over all. Name a person on this earth who could possibly fit the above description. (ummmmmm...no one!)
God alone is sovereign. Root yourself in this truth.
"The most singular important truth I've ever learned is what my God is like, and that is what holds me," says Kay Arthur, whose husband took his life. "My God is sovereign. He rules over all. When God gets ready to move, no one can stop Him from moving. And no one can say unto Him, 'What doest thou?' because what He does is perfect. It doesn't look perfect, but He's over all and there are no accidents. So when my husband died, the truth that held me together was the sovereignty of God."
In Daniel 4, God casts King Nebuchadnezzar out of a position of wealth and authority because the king attributed the greatness of his kingdom to his own power. When the king finally realized and acknowledged that God alone is sovereign, God restored him to the throne, and Nebuchadnezzar's life became even better than it was before.
At the end of that time, I, Nebuchadnezzar, raised my eyes toward heaven, and my sanity was restored. Then I praised the Most High; I honored and glorified him who lives forever. His dominion is an eternal dominion; his kingdom endures from generation to generation. All the peoples of the earth are regarded as nothing. He does as he pleases with the powers of heaven and the peoples of the earth. No one can hold back his hand or say to him: 'What have you done?' . . . Everything he does is right and all his ways are just." (Daniel 4:34-35, 37)
God, Your ways are just and right. I do not understand it, but I must believe it. Amen.
In today's world we are more preoccupied with solving our problems than with finding God. We've got things backwards. Instead of using God to solve our problems, we need to use our problems to find God. (Finding God, Larry Crabb)
************************
The one thing I've been able to depend on over the last seven months is the fact that when I'm God-focused / Kingdom-focused / drenched in the TRUTH of His Word, I have peace of mind! When I dwell on my circumstances, I'm a mess.
Problem is - it takes a lot of discipline to stay focused. That's so hard to do when things are going great, and much more so in the midst of grief. It's as if the more focused I am, the more hits keep on coming. BUT, that's no excuse. I know this! So now it's time to see things from your perspective...just like I would if you were still here with us. Time for a real temple-reconstruction. Inside & out! JUST LIKE YOU'D WANT:).
Ok...I know this ended up a little longer than expected - but I just had to get it out there to end off this weekend on a good note.
Goodnight honey. 1434
Acceptance?
What a day/night/morning...You consumed every thought today. I guess it was fitting that I spent today by myself. Kinda symbolic to how I've felt since you've been gone. Tomorrow's a new day...gotta really kick things into gear. Gotta start thinking more like you. You wouldn't want me living like this...the woman you fell in love with was fun, loving and full of life. Time to start getting back to "me". Our girls need and deserve to have "me" back. That's exactly what you'd tell me if you could. I just know it somehow. I can see the path God has laid before us, and it's time to willingly follow instead of waiting, wishing for you to walk it with us. Does this mean I've passed the "acceptance" phase of grief? For now, I'm guessing. But no matter what it is, tomorrow's a new day and I'm ready for it.
Don't think for a second that me focusing on this new life we're forced to live (a life without you) means I don't miss you, I don't need you, or I don't love you. This is me moving forward, learning to live with pain, and being the "better me" you've always made me long to be. I'll forever miss you, need you, love you and long for you...now I gotta learn to be content with that and move forward for my sake and for our girls sake.
You're not gonna come walking thru my door. I've known that for 7 months...but after all the time I've spent in reflection and in God's Word today, I somehow not only know it - I believe it. If that's not acceptance, I don't know what is.
1434
Don't think for a second that me focusing on this new life we're forced to live (a life without you) means I don't miss you, I don't need you, or I don't love you. This is me moving forward, learning to live with pain, and being the "better me" you've always made me long to be. I'll forever miss you, need you, love you and long for you...now I gotta learn to be content with that and move forward for my sake and for our girls sake.
You're not gonna come walking thru my door. I've known that for 7 months...but after all the time I've spent in reflection and in God's Word today, I somehow not only know it - I believe it. If that's not acceptance, I don't know what is.
1434
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