The Wedding Planner was on TBS tonight. Watching it brought me back to that weekend when we were kidless and we made it a movie weekend! Caramel, cheese & garlic popcorn (not all at the same time...separately), nachos, ice cream, and pizza is all we ate all day that Saturday. And we were so sick Sunday, which is how it turned into a movie weekend instead of just a movie day.
I miss movie weekend with you...1434.
Here's my letter to you, Mark Matthew Aragon. The LOVE of my life, and Papa to our girls, who's Heavenly birthday is 11/04/2010. There's so much I want to say and if Heaven had a phone, I'd call. Missing & loving you more everyday, Lei
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Friday, May 27, 2011
Fight or Flight
Yesterday was such a good day! It ended with me going through my emails and reading this devotional that helped put things into perspective for me.
Fight or Flight
1434:)
Fight or Flight
1434:)
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Walk by Faith, Trusting God
It's been a while since I reposted a GriefShare email...but this one really spoke into my life today:
Walk by Faith, Trusting God
Day 193
"For we walk by faith, not by sight" (2 Corinthians 5:7 NASB).
You are called to walk by faith, especially when there are unanswered questions in your heart. You are to trust God, even when you do not have the explanations you feel you need.
Dr. Joseph Stowell says: "If you look at your problem and then look at God, you always end up throwing stones at God for the problem. If you look at God first and look at your problems through Him, through His sovereignty--that He is in control of EVERYTHING, that He has permitted this in your life FOR A REASON, that He is a just God, that He will settle the score for you--you will see that He is an all-powerful God who can turn this situation to that which is good and right.
"So the way to avoid the vulnerability of these nagging questions that distance you from God and make you liable for Satan's attack in the midst of your despair is to really focus on what you know to be true about God and to live in the exclamation point of that truth, not in the question marks of what you don't know about your problem."
Faithful God, I must look at You first. Teach me about Your goodness and sovereignty. Teach me to see the big picture and not just the pebbles of my unanswered questions. Lord, I'm willing to try. Amen.
-----------
All four of us, Isa/Jin/Keila/me, sat at the table together today. Isa and Jin were studying their AWANA books...Lala was working on her school work...I was organizing my calendar and studying the Word...and together listened to Jin & Isa recite verses that they were happy to share with us. It was so beautiful! Today felt GOOD!
Your girls are getting better and better everyday. We miss you & love you and hope you're proud of us.
1434
Walk by Faith, Trusting God
Day 193
"For we walk by faith, not by sight" (2 Corinthians 5:7 NASB).
You are called to walk by faith, especially when there are unanswered questions in your heart. You are to trust God, even when you do not have the explanations you feel you need.
Dr. Joseph Stowell says: "If you look at your problem and then look at God, you always end up throwing stones at God for the problem. If you look at God first and look at your problems through Him, through His sovereignty--that He is in control of EVERYTHING, that He has permitted this in your life FOR A REASON, that He is a just God, that He will settle the score for you--you will see that He is an all-powerful God who can turn this situation to that which is good and right.
"So the way to avoid the vulnerability of these nagging questions that distance you from God and make you liable for Satan's attack in the midst of your despair is to really focus on what you know to be true about God and to live in the exclamation point of that truth, not in the question marks of what you don't know about your problem."
Faithful God, I must look at You first. Teach me about Your goodness and sovereignty. Teach me to see the big picture and not just the pebbles of my unanswered questions. Lord, I'm willing to try. Amen.
-----------
All four of us, Isa/Jin/Keila/me, sat at the table together today. Isa and Jin were studying their AWANA books...Lala was working on her school work...I was organizing my calendar and studying the Word...and together listened to Jin & Isa recite verses that they were happy to share with us. It was so beautiful! Today felt GOOD!
Your girls are getting better and better everyday. We miss you & love you and hope you're proud of us.
1434
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Proud AWANA Mama
Tonight was the AWANA Awards Celebration for our baby-girls. They both received certificates, and Jin was especially recognized for coming-in halfway through the year and still completing the curriculum! Without a doubt...had you been there, you would've been standing as close to the stage as possible videotaping everything...if not on stage presenting awards as a group leader. I could sooooo imagine us both as group leaders! I think I'm gonna sign-up to be one next fall.
Goodnight baby...see you in my dreams:). 1434
Goodnight baby...see you in my dreams:). 1434
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Oh, the memories!
Everytime I go to Oakland or somewhere in the vicinity there are a couple things I do...
1. I drive from the apartment to Alameda taking the streets. Even if I don't leave the car, or park at all, that drive back and forth helps me feel your presence. So many memories of the many times we've driven that route as a family, or just you and me, run through my mind.
2. I drive to the temple. While there I think about that day back in 2004 when you played tour guide and took me all around Oakland. I was born there, but raised in Vallejo, so you wanted to teach me all about "The Town". The temple was one of the places you brought me and even when you were still here with us, driving past it always brought me back to the beginning of us.
3. I drive the last route you drove. From the apartment to 106th and MacArthur. I took this picture on Friday while out that way.
It may have been taken in the daytime with more cars around, but minus all that - it's possibly the last thing you saw before the collision that took your life. I find myself staring at this picture a lot since Friday. Playing out various "story-lines" in my head. What was playing on the radio - music or a sermon? Was the window open? What were you thinking about?
Sometimes I think more self-defeating thoughts like the "what if" or the "coula, shoulda, woulda" games...but definately not as much as I used to. (Just had to throw that tid-bit in there so you know I'm getting better.)
One thing I love to do, if I'm by myself, is walk the Berkeley pier. Rembereing you teaching the girls to fish, walking to the end and back together, and that one night when Monse came to visit when you walked her and Keila halfway down - even in the freezing, windy cold, just to try and get a good picture of San Francisco across the water.
Sometimes I go to Benicia and stand in the spot where you took my face in your hands and said "so you're my soul mate".
On that note...I MISS YOU! I love you, I miss you, and I thank God for you. 1434
1. I drive from the apartment to Alameda taking the streets. Even if I don't leave the car, or park at all, that drive back and forth helps me feel your presence. So many memories of the many times we've driven that route as a family, or just you and me, run through my mind.
2. I drive to the temple. While there I think about that day back in 2004 when you played tour guide and took me all around Oakland. I was born there, but raised in Vallejo, so you wanted to teach me all about "The Town". The temple was one of the places you brought me and even when you were still here with us, driving past it always brought me back to the beginning of us.
3. I drive the last route you drove. From the apartment to 106th and MacArthur. I took this picture on Friday while out that way.
Sometimes I think more self-defeating thoughts like the "what if" or the "coula, shoulda, woulda" games...but definately not as much as I used to. (Just had to throw that tid-bit in there so you know I'm getting better.)
One thing I love to do, if I'm by myself, is walk the Berkeley pier. Rembereing you teaching the girls to fish, walking to the end and back together, and that one night when Monse came to visit when you walked her and Keila halfway down - even in the freezing, windy cold, just to try and get a good picture of San Francisco across the water.
Sometimes I go to Benicia and stand in the spot where you took my face in your hands and said "so you're my soul mate".
On that note...I MISS YOU! I love you, I miss you, and I thank God for you. 1434
Pops...
I texted this to Pops before he left for Angola:
"I'm REALLY trying to stick to my friend "denial". I don't have the mental strength/energy to deal with you being so far away! Especially not after we all grew so much closer together since we moved back in 2008, and especially after I lost my "david"...We love you and are gonna miss your crazy sense of humor and seeing you wear your love, loyalty and devotion on your sleeve. WE LOVE YOU!"
His reply:
"Don't make me cry. Remember jared will be your gardner and servant boy. Take care and luv u."
So babe, now Atch and I are both without our men. And even though she's leaving too in June to be with him (the hits just keep on coming!!!), I still feel horrible for her! *sigh* Anyways, I just wanted you to know that I finally cried for a reason other than you today. LoL 1434
"I'm REALLY trying to stick to my friend "denial". I don't have the mental strength/energy to deal with you being so far away! Especially not after we all grew so much closer together since we moved back in 2008, and especially after I lost my "david"...We love you and are gonna miss your crazy sense of humor and seeing you wear your love, loyalty and devotion on your sleeve. WE LOVE YOU!"
His reply:
"Don't make me cry. Remember jared will be your gardner and servant boy. Take care and luv u."
So babe, now Atch and I are both without our men. And even though she's leaving too in June to be with him (the hits just keep on coming!!!), I still feel horrible for her! *sigh* Anyways, I just wanted you to know that I finally cried for a reason other than you today. LoL 1434
Time keeps flying...
I can't believe its almost midnight! Where did Monday go????? Then again...I did sleep till it was time to pick up Isa from school at 2. LoL I spent the afternoon sending out resumes and catching up on some DVRd shows. It was actually nice to be home all day. I feel like I haven't been home in so long!
May has been such a hectic month, and June is supposed to be even more busy. Pops is leaving for Angola tomorrow. I'm still in denial about him and Atch being gone for so long. BUT, I couldn't imagine Atch being without her man for so long so I'm a tiny-bit ok with it;). I wish I could vacay up in Heaven with you every once in a while...or vice versa.
I thought being busy would help lessen my pain a bit, but instead it makes me realized just how much our lives were intertwined with one another! We used to love doing EVERYTHING together, but now that you're gone that makes everything much more painful. I mean...I wouldn't have had it any other way, but then again...I didn't expect to lose you so soon.
Missing you and loving you more and more as each day passes...
May has been such a hectic month, and June is supposed to be even more busy. Pops is leaving for Angola tomorrow. I'm still in denial about him and Atch being gone for so long. BUT, I couldn't imagine Atch being without her man for so long so I'm a tiny-bit ok with it;). I wish I could vacay up in Heaven with you every once in a while...or vice versa.
I thought being busy would help lessen my pain a bit, but instead it makes me realized just how much our lives were intertwined with one another! We used to love doing EVERYTHING together, but now that you're gone that makes everything much more painful. I mean...I wouldn't have had it any other way, but then again...I didn't expect to lose you so soon.
Missing you and loving you more and more as each day passes...
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