7 used to be my lucky number, but 7 months without you stings just as much as the rest...
7 months of:
1 - an emotional rollercoaster ride for our girls and I (sounds cliche, but SO true!)
2 - not having you tuck me in or hold me
3 - trying with whatever strength I have to be mama AND papa...and aparantly doing a horrible job at it
4 - not hearing your voice or seeing your fine face
5 - trying to figure out how to live without you
6 - "firsts"...both random ones and significant ones like milestone b'days and holidays
7 - Thanking God for having you in our lives and for sustaining us every minute of every day!
(I could go on and on...but I'll leave it at that!)
Happy 7 month Heavenly b'day sweetheart. Yes, I painfully miss you...but knowing your up in Heaven watching over us and that we will reunite again continues to keep me keepin on. 1434
Here's my letter to you, Mark Matthew Aragon. The LOVE of my life, and Papa to our girls, who's Heavenly birthday is 11/04/2010. There's so much I want to say and if Heaven had a phone, I'd call. Missing & loving you more everyday, Lei
Friday, June 3, 2011
Thursday, June 2, 2011
FOCUS!
Today was exhausting! Emotionally, at least. I woke up pleasantly suprised this morning. Jason & Rama hooked us up w/ some groceries. God is soooooo movin!!! Nuff said!
BUT, that horrible headache I had all day yesterday didn't go away until about an hour and a half ago, and the list of all the difficulties in my life right now were all I could think of. Over the last 7 months, I've found myself at one of two extremes - numb to everything, or drowning in tears. Most of the time - numb, but I don't know if that's good or bad............
Whoa! Checkout the GriefShare email that just hit my inbox! LITERALLY, as I was typing!
A Sharpened Focus
Day 200
"When you know that this life is not all there is," says Anne Graham Lotz, "and you know that one day you are going to be standing before God giving an account of your life, and you know that there is a great big eternity out there when we are going to worship the Lamb and forever glorify Him, it gives you a seriousness about life now. It sharpens your focus and motivates you to live every moment of your life fully to the glory of God."
Train yourself to focus on eternity. Focus on the big picture, not on your own limited life on earth.
In some ways you probably feel more unfocused than you have ever felt in your life, as if you are walking around in a constant fog of grief. In other ways you may feel more alert than ever because you are observing life from a completely different perspective. Many things--from the simple to the complex--take on a different meaning or level of importance to you. Sharpen your focus on the God of eternity by reading His Word daily. Stop trying to handle your tumultuous life alone.
It's so frustrating sometimes to have to continually remind myself of this! When you were here with us, we had eachother to be that reminder to have a Kingdom focus. I guess that's where these emails come in handy.
MISS YOU SO MUCH BABE!!!!! 1434
BUT, that horrible headache I had all day yesterday didn't go away until about an hour and a half ago, and the list of all the difficulties in my life right now were all I could think of. Over the last 7 months, I've found myself at one of two extremes - numb to everything, or drowning in tears. Most of the time - numb, but I don't know if that's good or bad............
Whoa! Checkout the GriefShare email that just hit my inbox! LITERALLY, as I was typing!
A Sharpened Focus
Day 200
"When you know that this life is not all there is," says Anne Graham Lotz, "and you know that one day you are going to be standing before God giving an account of your life, and you know that there is a great big eternity out there when we are going to worship the Lamb and forever glorify Him, it gives you a seriousness about life now. It sharpens your focus and motivates you to live every moment of your life fully to the glory of God."
Train yourself to focus on eternity. Focus on the big picture, not on your own limited life on earth.
In some ways you probably feel more unfocused than you have ever felt in your life, as if you are walking around in a constant fog of grief. In other ways you may feel more alert than ever because you are observing life from a completely different perspective. Many things--from the simple to the complex--take on a different meaning or level of importance to you. Sharpen your focus on the God of eternity by reading His Word daily. Stop trying to handle your tumultuous life alone.
It's so frustrating sometimes to have to continually remind myself of this! When you were here with us, we had eachother to be that reminder to have a Kingdom focus. I guess that's where these emails come in handy.
MISS YOU SO MUCH BABE!!!!! 1434
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Prayer Box Story
Last night, I felt defeated. I felt helpless, sad, upset and hurt. It's one thing to feel this way about things that bother me...it's a much bigger kinda helpless-sad-upset-hurt when it has to do with my babies feelings. 7 months ago, they were uprooted from Oakland to Sacramento. It was hard especially considering the many other things going on in our lives at the time...but they were champs. They excelled in school, made lots of friends, and grew their faith all while still grieving the loss of their Papa.
Isa and Jin overheard me on the phone with Pastor Ron last night and so I had a little explaining to do. I explained the possibility of (another) move, we talked about it, cried about it, and in the end I asked them to pray about it. Pray that I get a job soon, IF THAT'S WHAT GOD WANT'S FOR US. I had to let them know that if Sacramento isn't where God want's us, it ain't gonna happen and we just have to obey and move on.
By the end of the conversation, we were all happy and joking around. Once they kissed me goodnight and went off to bed I broke-down. I made a list of struggles from the last 7 months alone. Halfway down the second side of the paper, I ripped it out and threw it away. I may be able to make a list of all these problems, but no matter what that list won't compare to the never ending list of blessings He's given.
Even after that though, I still felt defeated...but instead of boo-hoo'ing all night, I prayed. A little about the girls and I, and our situation...but more-so for those who have hurt us. I even prayed for the person who's ill-intentions led them to succomb to stealing the identity of my deceased husband to file their taxes - that once this issue is finally cleared up, they will have learned from it and won't do such evil things again. (Seriously...I did!)
I woke up with a horrible headache just in time to get up and drive the kids to school. NO BUENO!!! When I got home, I went straight to my computer to check my refund status on the IRS website (as if anything was gonna change in the last 15 hours), and nada. Then I went to my FB to check on notifications, and finally to Twitter.
Jeannie Mai tweeted a link to her blog, which I hadn't read before. Jeannie is the host of a show called "How Do I Look?" and we just LOVE her! She's beautiful, talented, and after google'ing her I found out she's a strong believer who has "Acts 2:42-47. It's all I care about doing" on her FB profile. I couldn't be more proud to say that our Keila looks up to her. Jeannie is an inspiration to Keila and has got her creative-wheel's spinnin!
So, long story short, Jeannie's blog post today totally inspired me! I'm so glad I read it first thing in the morning because now there's no way I'm gonna waste this day God's blessed me with by being sad and gloomy. (Although, I am about to take some tylenol and try to nap this headache away for an hour! LoL). Headache and all...I'm one happy woman today! I'm not even gonna get into the details of Jeannie's blog...BUT HERE IT IS. After reading it yourself, you'll know what I mean.
http://iheartjeanniemai.com/prayer-box-4-0-officially-up/
Talk to ya later booboose...1434
Isa and Jin overheard me on the phone with Pastor Ron last night and so I had a little explaining to do. I explained the possibility of (another) move, we talked about it, cried about it, and in the end I asked them to pray about it. Pray that I get a job soon, IF THAT'S WHAT GOD WANT'S FOR US. I had to let them know that if Sacramento isn't where God want's us, it ain't gonna happen and we just have to obey and move on.
By the end of the conversation, we were all happy and joking around. Once they kissed me goodnight and went off to bed I broke-down. I made a list of struggles from the last 7 months alone. Halfway down the second side of the paper, I ripped it out and threw it away. I may be able to make a list of all these problems, but no matter what that list won't compare to the never ending list of blessings He's given.
Even after that though, I still felt defeated...but instead of boo-hoo'ing all night, I prayed. A little about the girls and I, and our situation...but more-so for those who have hurt us. I even prayed for the person who's ill-intentions led them to succomb to stealing the identity of my deceased husband to file their taxes - that once this issue is finally cleared up, they will have learned from it and won't do such evil things again. (Seriously...I did!)
I woke up with a horrible headache just in time to get up and drive the kids to school. NO BUENO!!! When I got home, I went straight to my computer to check my refund status on the IRS website (as if anything was gonna change in the last 15 hours), and nada. Then I went to my FB to check on notifications, and finally to Twitter.
Jeannie Mai tweeted a link to her blog, which I hadn't read before. Jeannie is the host of a show called "How Do I Look?" and we just LOVE her! She's beautiful, talented, and after google'ing her I found out she's a strong believer who has "Acts 2:42-47. It's all I care about doing" on her FB profile. I couldn't be more proud to say that our Keila looks up to her. Jeannie is an inspiration to Keila and has got her creative-wheel's spinnin!
So, long story short, Jeannie's blog post today totally inspired me! I'm so glad I read it first thing in the morning because now there's no way I'm gonna waste this day God's blessed me with by being sad and gloomy. (Although, I am about to take some tylenol and try to nap this headache away for an hour! LoL). Headache and all...I'm one happy woman today! I'm not even gonna get into the details of Jeannie's blog...BUT HERE IT IS. After reading it yourself, you'll know what I mean.
http://iheartjeanniemai.com/prayer-box-4-0-officially-up/
Talk to ya later booboose...1434
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Pros and Cons
I hate having to make such life-altering decisions without you here to make the final call! THIS SUCKS!
Then again, it's not really a decision that has to be made...I have two options. Find a job, or move (AGAIN)! I'm giving myself till the girls last day of school/Keila's graduation to get a job here in Sac. If that doesn't happen, I'm seeking work elsewhere.
I would LOVE to stay here in Sac...close to the Haights, great school district, safe, and you said it yourself - "this is what I picture our first home to be like". BUT - money doesn't grow on trees, pollen is my worst enemy, majority of friends and family are at least an hour away, and our 2 "home" churches are even further away! (Jeilen is SO BUMMED that I can't drive her to VBC in Hercules once a week for her last year of Bungee Soccer!)
Wow! I just read what I wrote. hmmmmmm.....
*************
I just got off the phone with Pastor Ron. It's always so nice how God prompts people to call me just in time! After writing my mini-list of pros and cons above, then my brief chat with Pastor Ron about it, I've accepted the fact that God's Will will be done and we will be just fine. I'm not gonna let this situation bring me down...I've got bigger "situations" to tend to.
I miss you so much! This single-mama/grieving widow stuff continues to SUCK! But we'll get through this in God's time - not ours.
1434
Then again, it's not really a decision that has to be made...I have two options. Find a job, or move (AGAIN)! I'm giving myself till the girls last day of school/Keila's graduation to get a job here in Sac. If that doesn't happen, I'm seeking work elsewhere.
I would LOVE to stay here in Sac...close to the Haights, great school district, safe, and you said it yourself - "this is what I picture our first home to be like". BUT - money doesn't grow on trees, pollen is my worst enemy, majority of friends and family are at least an hour away, and our 2 "home" churches are even further away! (Jeilen is SO BUMMED that I can't drive her to VBC in Hercules once a week for her last year of Bungee Soccer!)
Wow! I just read what I wrote. hmmmmmm.....
*************
I just got off the phone with Pastor Ron. It's always so nice how God prompts people to call me just in time! After writing my mini-list of pros and cons above, then my brief chat with Pastor Ron about it, I've accepted the fact that God's Will will be done and we will be just fine. I'm not gonna let this situation bring me down...I've got bigger "situations" to tend to.
I miss you so much! This single-mama/grieving widow stuff continues to SUCK! But we'll get through this in God's time - not ours.
1434
Monday, May 30, 2011
New Pic
Hey babe - I hope you don't mind that I changed your FB profile picture. Sean captured an awesome picture of the view at your grave site, and I thought it's something you'd want.
That's one gorgeous view to honor one gorgeous man:).
1434
That's one gorgeous view to honor one gorgeous man:).
1434
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