11.04.2010-12.10.2010 (Facebook Posts)

(12.10.2010)
A week or so ago, I had written about how I read every single post on your FB wall since January! Well, to be completely honest, I've done that almost everyday. Going back and reading everything is as therapeutic to me as writing to you myself!

Well, one thing I didn't realize was how many loved ones posted on MY wall since 11.04.2010!!! So, I went back and read thru all the love, prayers, support and memories many people shared throughout our grief. I must say-I'm TOTALLY feelin the LOVE!!!! So, THANK YOU to everyone who has taken the time to bless me and the girls since day one! We love you all and thank God for having you in our lives!!!

My last post was a "note" as opposed to the usual wall post I'd write on your wall. My writing was getting longer each day, it seemed, and it just made more sense to do it this way:). I get messages all day everyday from people all over who are finding comfort in my thoughts. Who'd a thought?!?! ;) So, as I was reading thru my wall today, I copied and pasted my thoughts from 11.04.2010 thru 12.08.2010 below for those who asked:). *** May reading them bless you as much as writing them has blessed me!***

Missing and loving you more and more each day, my Matthew...


November 4 at 11:01pm

Thank you all for your prayers and support during these difficult times. If you know me, you know how deeply in LOVE I have always been with my husband, and while the LOVE will remain the same forever, I will forever long for his companionship. Our love was rare and I'm eternally grateful for the opportunity to have been blessed with Mark Aragon. Till I see you again baby...I LOVE YOU MORE!


November 5 at 11:47am

Its not supposed to be this way! I'm the one with the health issues and you were my personal-trainer-from-hell! Helping me to get healthy so I can give you a son...our own Nathaniel! You said you'd never leave me...I shouldn't have woken you up that morning to go to work. And how I wish I slept in the room with you that night...I know you need me to make sure you get up on time, but still, last night was horrible! I wanted your arms around me after you tucked me in like you always did. Till later...Baby,I LOVE YOU MORE!


November 5 at 12:07pm

I want my husband. I want to hold him & just sit & stare into his beautiful eyes. I should NOT be at a funeral home making arrangements!


November 6 at 8:32am

Baby, I wish I could just press rewind and NOT let you leave for work that night! It makes complete sense that our Heavenly Father wanted to bless you by wrapping His Heavenly arms around you. I know how much you're loving it right now! To be in His presence...OH, what a PRAISE party you're havin! It sounds crazy, but I'm so glad you're there and I'm here because this pain is so great and I cant begin to imagine you going through this roller coaster. We'll get thru...I know we will. We have the best possible angel watching over us! Just try not to look at me for a while because I know how much you'd hate to see how I'm dealing. I'm getting better baby, you'll see. I love you more...


November 7 at 1:36am

Hey baby, I'm bout to get ready for bed now. What a long day (again)! It was so hard for me to see you today but you look so peaceful. Luckily my family was with me cuz otherwise, I woulda dragged your butt to the car and brought you home with me! j/k But seriously though, I wanted so bad to jump up on the table and spoon:)

I laughed and smiled much more today than yesterday and the day before! Isa, Jin, Lala and I are surrounded by so much love and support. FB messages are overflowing with memories of how much you impacted hundreds of lives! People I've never met are even contacting me tell me how they feel they know me and the girls just thru you! I'ts such an amazing feeling to know how much YOU LOVE US! Not that I doubted it... anyways, I could go on forever, but I gotta get some sleep. Goodnight my love. I love you more!


November 7 at 11:52pm

Hello my love:) I wanted to go to RCC this morning...they've been praying and supporting us since the day you were called home, but memories of serving there were flooding my mind and my emotions kept me from going. As soon as I'd walk in, it just wouldn't be the same because you weren't there! I did go to VBC with the girls, my sisters and the Matsu's, which was still hard, but not as hard as I think it would've been at RCC. We've been looking thru pictures and sharing memories of you, and i've been crying and laughing all day (more laughing than crying). I just want to show you that i'm getting better each day. I'll never let go, but i'll be ok. Goodnight sweetheart...I love you more!


November 8 at 10:05pm

Hey baby, Nic brought me to see our new home today and I just kept thinking about last weekend when you went there to pick up the fridge and came home talking about how much you thought it would be a perfect 1st home for us. I saw the area you mentioned I could plant our veggies and herbs...and the walk-in pantry you knew i'd love:). It's gonna be so hard being there without you. So much is happening so fast! Please help me tomorrow when I see your beautiful face again. I might try to pry your gorgeous eyes open just so I can look into those beautiful hazels again;). Oh, boy...imma miss grossing people out w/ our public displays of affection! hahaha Well, I better get some rest. I miss you much and I love you more babe.


November 9 at 10:51am

Hey my love. When I walked into the family room this morning and saw your handsome face in all the pictures, I couldn't help but cry like a baby. I know you hate it when I cry, but you'll just have to get used to it for a bit. I want so badly NOT to have to go today because if I do, I'll have to accept that this is all really happening! Even though I saw you Saturday, I still can't believe it! Today will be especially hard for the girls because they'll be seeing their papa for the first time since you said 'goodnight' to them Wednesday night. Baby, I'll try my best to be strong for them. I miss you so much, it hurts...and I love you more.


November 8 at 11:31pm

Spoken by Mark Aragon's amazing friend, Sheila: "I know one thing, he loves his family. Everytime we talked he would talk about how in love he is with Leila and his daughters. Oh, and please dont make the mistake of calling his girls "stepdaughters" or that he is a "stepdad" to them, he will put you in check!"


November 9 at 10:34pm

Whatta day, my love! Hundreds of people came out to pay their respects today, and we honored you with an amazing memorial service. Hearing our girls weap so intensly for their papa was so sad, but so expected because you were everything to us! I'm exhausted, so I'm gonna try my best to fall asleep in a bit. We have another day to make it thru...goodnight you fine-thang:) I love you more...


November 11 at 1:19am

A week ago, right about now, I was chatting with you about the next days plans as you were getting ready for work. Now, i'm sitting here amazed that my love could possibly grow deeper for you over this past week even though you aren't here. Last night, over 300 friends and family members came to see you! And tonight was a record-breaking night for the chapel! I got to meet so many of the people you've told me about over the years, and many others who had new stories to share with me. Tomorrow's the day we lay your earthly body to rest, but your legacy will continue thru the girls and I. Thank you for being such a Godly man, loyal friend, loving husband and papa. Until I see you again, I love you more!


November 12 at 9:00am

WOW, my love! I remember how you always had a story or memory to share...it was like you were trying to get me to know as much as possible about you in the short time we had. Now I can put faces to many of those stories, and it's such an awesome feeling. My goodness babe! Over 1000 people showed up for YOU! The guest book was filled to the max so people were signing the cover! "Miss Shirley" did a beautiful job singing Amazing Grace, like I know you'd want. I felt so honered when Pastor Ron reflected on the Godly man you had become...the man that the girls and I were privelaged beyond measure to have in our lives. I kept repeating "quiet strength" to myself throughout the week, but now that everythings over I think it's all REALLY starting to come out. I'll see you later baby. I think I'll bring you an "oakland burrito"! I love you more...


November 13 at 2:16am

Oooooh Baby...I need a bigger dose of that Quiet Strength you lent me over the past week! (You know my heart-no need to explain it all.) Anyways, I went to the site where you took your last breath. Part of me wishes I didn't go, but I guess I had to. I am hurting so much! I'm reminded of you all day long! YOU blessed the food before we ate; YOU tucked me in at night; YOU opened doors for me and pulled my chair out; YOU saw to it that your girls were always safe and happy; YOU loved us like none other and made it so easy to love right back; and on and on and on. Your handsome face is embedded in my mind and I see you even with my eyes closed. I pray that I can hurry up and get past the hurt and that the girls can too, but even more than that, I pray that YOUR testimony shared by Pastor Ron grabbed hold of every heart in that church yesterday. After all, that's what YOU desired to do. Anyhoo - I'll talk to you later booboose...I love you more!


November 14 at 5:39pm

Yo, babe! Keila, Adrian, Doris, Dana & Tim got baptized today:) The ceremony was BEAUTIFUL...and your presence was totally there! You would've been so proud of your Lala. After the ceremony, we went to visit you and the view was as breathtaking as it was the day we put your earthly body to rest! Seriously! It's been warm and gorgeous in NOVEMBER! Well, we're about to head to our new home in Sac now. As soon as I get my cable/internet hooked up again, I'm hoping to begin replying to the million messages of love and condolences i've received. So, goodnight for now mahal...and until you can prove me wrong, I LOVE YOU MORE!


‎ November 13 at 9:39pm

...missin my baby...


November 14 at 10:01pm

Its so hard to be happy about our new home... Its beautiful and safe, but missing my man:(.


November 14 at 11:46pm

Lord God, teach me to embrace my grief and not fight it, so that I may experience the true healing that comes from You. Amen.


November 15 at 8:27am

I miss how u'd nvr leave home w/o kissing/hugging me, & telling me u luv me... This gives a whole new meaning to loving so much, it hurts...


November 16 at 5:29pm

So baby, I ordered your grave stone today.. It was harder than I thought, but I didn't cry:). It's basically gonna say what the shirts say, along with your favorite verse (Philippians 1:21). I was struggling at first because it would be way to much to describe all that you are, so it simply says "Beloved Man of God" under your name. Can you imagine "Beloved son, brother, husband, papa, cousin, uncle, nephew, friend, coworker, etc...?" LoL It would've gone on forever!

Then we went to Ly Luck restaurant (for the 3rd time since the 5th!). I never went there with you, but I remember you and Alana talking about how yummy it was, so we went. You were right - that place is yummy! I was pretty proud of myself for keeping myself composedn UNTIL we got on the freeway and headed out of Oakland. Then the memories of that drive we often took started flooding my brain and I started to cry. This is just the beginning babe, so bear with me. This is gonna be a year of "firsts" without you by my side, so you're gonna have to get used to me crying. But on the flip-side, I've got peace because of the amazing man you were, so I'm not gonna end up in a looney-house:)! (Thanks for that!) I love you more...


November 16 at 11:03pm

So, it was the girls 1st day at new schools and Isa gets 6 pages of MATH homework! Guess who always helped the girls w/ MATH?!?! :(


November 17 at 11:56am

Quiet Strength...


November 18 at 7:23am

Its been an eventful 2 weeks, and its still so unreal! The girls and I spent a couple hours on our own yesterday and ran errands in Elk Grove. It was wierd to not hold your hand in the car or have you put your arm around me as we walked around Walmart. It was so awkward to get a table for 4 instead of 5 at the restaurant, and not have you give thanks and bless our dinners (although, Isa did well!).

We didn't spend much time in the Sacramento area together, but we're still reminded of you wherever we go! FedEx trucks; husbands/wives and papa's/kids walking around holding hands; bookstores we practically lived at; Best Buy's; churches, etc! You are everywhere! And not in a freaky, paranormal way...in a comforting and "We'll miss you forever" kinda way. And while I'll miss our play-fights over who loves who "more", or ask "what's your name again" because we always called eachother baby, love, booboose, or dude...its nice to have the last say! LoL. I love you more baby!


‎November 19 at 8:47am

"Knowing the Lord and His comfort does not take away the ache; instead, it supports you in the middle of the ache. Until I get home to heaven, there's going to be an ache that won't quit. The grieving process for me is not so much a matter of getting rid of the pain, but not being controlled by the pain." (Dr. Larry Crabb) ‎"Be merciful to me, LORD, for I am faint; O LORD, heal me, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in anguish. How long, O LORD, how long? Turn, O LORD, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love" (Psalm 6:2-4)


November 20 at 3:32pm

Borders Bookstore- Browsing thru the Christian Living section was always our first stop. You usually grabbed a couple books before sitting in the cafe, but in the recent weeks you'd go straight for "Twelve Ordinary Men" by John MacArthur. I saw that book today and teared-up knowing you were so close to finishing it before you were called home. I grabbed a bunch of books and sat in the cafe. Normally, I'd look to you and ask "fruity or not?", meaning strawberry fruitkula or javanilla shake? Those were the only drinks you'd ever get there.

For the first time ever, I didn't get anything at all. I just sat at the table with Keila and started looking thru the books. I finally decided on "When the Hurt Runs Deep" by Kay Arthur, then we paid for it and left. I'm pretty sure that was the least amount of time I have ever stayed at a bookstore! Ever! I'll miss how we'd spend hours there using up the free wi-fi, reading books (and taking notes). You'd always come prepared with an extension cord thingy w/ the extra outlets so no matter where'd we sit, we'd be able to plug in our laptops. Gosh I miss you so much, it hurts...and till you can say otherwise, I love you more! :)


November 21 at 6:50am

I woke up at 4:15'ish this morning thinking about a particular day when you had gotten ready for work and came out to the kitchen for breakfast. I was up studying all night and at that moment I was in the middle of an online exam. Right after you gave me a good-morning kiss, I was immediately taken-back by your scent! I asked, "dang baby, whatchu got on?". You said (in a smooth tone) "naw baby, its all me!". I immediately got up (we were both giggling) and just wrapped my arms around you and just started breathing you in. We just stood there in silence for about a minute with our arms around eachother. Next thing you know, I remembered the timed exam I was taking and got right back to it, and you got back to your usual protein-shake-breakfast. It wasn't till later that I realized you started wearing Axe body spray and deodorant. LoL Those commercials don't lie! Its memories like this that come to mind 24/7! Part of me thinks it sucks because it makes me miss you so much more, but at the same time I'm so glad to have so many shared moments like these to hold close till I see you again. Love you more my honey bunches of oats!


November 21 at 3:15pm

Love, by Musiq Soulchild...Remembering the times we'd replace the word "Love" w/ "Lord" & it made so much sense! Then you found the remake and got bummed cuz you thought you realized it first! LoL I hope your not mad that I'm sittin here, home alone, listening to the slow jam playlist we used to listen to all the time. So many songs that bring me back to March 11, 2004 when we met on Myspace:)!

We became the best of friends within weeks of aol chats, texts and talkin on the phone for hours (I couldn't stand your Metro PCS phone and its million dropped calls!). We were FAMILY within months! I remember being so scared to meet you in person because I was so self-conscious, and your fine-self could get anyone you wanted...but the day we finally met in person you took my face in your hands and said "so you're my soul mate"! Way before we were even a couple!

And your feelings never wavered even when we were 400 miles apart! No matter how undeserving I felt and tried to get you to get you to go out there and find someone worthy of your love. Little did I know, at the time, that GOD CREATED YOU FOR ME AND ME FOR YOU! Our entire history was carefully orchestrated so I could find that quote on your Myspace page that would make me wanna comment on it!

Almost forgot...I love you MORE:)!


November 21 at 3:21pm

"Thank You" by Ashanti-my heart sings this song to my baby everyday...


November 22 at 9:32am

For the life of me, I just couldn't see the arrow in the FedEx logo! But you still wouldn't point it out to me...for days! Finally, you felt bad that I was so frustrated and said "look between the E and the X"! Duh?!? Why didn't I see that?!? LoL Then you said, "do you see the heart?". I'll admit I thought about it for a bit, but I didn't fall for it for that long! :)

Missing you like crazy, and loving you more each day...


November 23 at 8:21am

Fall 2004 to 2005: You couldn't stand that I had to work 2 full time jobs and be away from the girls in order to get established in Orange County. And you'd tell me so everytime you gave me my wakeup calls! But you respected that I did what I had to so the girls and I could live in the amazing area we ended up (Aliso Viejo). It was so hard to stick to a strict schedule because I wanted to talk to you all the time! I felt like a teenager:).

My workday started at 11pm; naptime from 7:15 till 8; talk to you till 8:30 as I drove to job #2 (you'd already be at FedEx, San Jose, getting ready for your route-thank God ear pieces were already invented! LoL); regular chats during breaks and lunch; home by 5:30 where we'd play the "no, YOU hang up first" game; sleep till your 10pm wakeup call; you'd say "good morning", I'd say "good night"; then repeat!

I finally saved up enough to get into the City Lights Apartments in Aliso Viejo, and the girls came home. I don't remember the exact moment you told me you were transferring to SoCal to live in LA w/ family and work at the FedEx in Irvine. All I do remember was feeling so amazingly loved that you wanted to, let alone, it was actually gonna happen! By the time you made the move, I had found the perfect job that allowed me to work only one job. Irvine was so close to us, so you'd hang out w/ me and the girls after work. Before heading back to LA, you'd check all the doors and windows to make sure we were safe. I remember when my mom came to visit and witnessed that...she loved you ever since! But, of course, I love you MORE:)!


‎November 23 at 4:29pm

1st Grief Share mtg 2nite in Elk Grove. Topic:Surviving the Holidays - I know I need & should go, but denial is so much easier:(. #justsayin


November 24 at 12:53pm

Random memory: Mark's Starbucks fave's were- Venti-upside-down-caramel-macchiato; or a Venti-strawberry-lemonade-smoothie!

These thoughts just keep on coming... :)


November 24 at 9:52pm

Oh husband...tomorrow's Thanksgiving and as I shared in the GriefShare meeting last night, i'm so scared! Everyday has been an emotional roller coaster, but I'm not sure what to expect on Thanksgiving and Christmas! I can't say it enough...I MISS YOU SO MUCH! I've always loved you, but i've NEVER had to miss you this much because the day after you went home to be with the Lord was the first day since March 11, 2004 that I didn't get to hear your soothing, loving voice at least once. Missing you is the toughest thing i've ever had to do, and it's just the beginning. I know i'll NEVER "get over" you, so I pray all day, everyday, for the strength and courage to keep on keepin on. You are the best thing that ever happened to the girls and I, and because of that - WE love you more...


November 25 at 7:10pm

I have an abundance of things to be thankful for today, but God blessing the girls and I with YOU is the biggest blessing of all! I started off this morning with every intention of making it thru our usual Thanksgiving gathering at my parents house in Vallejo, but as soon as I made my rounds saying "hello" to everyone I headed straight to "our room" and stayed there all day. I started thinking of all the Sundays we'd visit my parents after church...have lunch with them...watch you and daddy sit together talking about scripture or whatever bible study books you were studying, while I would work on homework in the dining room...then we'd take a nap in (what we called) "our room" while the girls spent time with their Lolo and Lola.

Tears still fall when mama and daddy talk about "sweet Mark". The rest of my family is now able to really start the grieving process as well now that all the memorial planning and our move to Sacramento is done. Ate Sette and Ate Lane attended the Grief Share meeting with me (even bought books for themselves:)), and the rest of the fam seems to wanna attend too after hearing about it! This Thanksgiving was all about YOU, as many of us wore your tribute t-shirts. YOU baby!

I read thru every single wall post on your page since 11/4. I wish I could respond to every single one, but reading them alone was so emotional. I tried to "like" each one after reading it, but I just noticed that not all the "likes" actually went thru...probably a computer glich?!? What do you think, geek squad? LoL Ha! I wish you could tell me:)

Anyways, ONE of the many obvious things that came out of what everyone had to say about you is how much you love me and the girls. One coworker (who I never had the privlage to meet) wrote about how your face would light up when you'd speak of us! What an honor! You loved and cherished us till your last breath here on earth and I THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart! Missing you like crazy and loving you more each day-your baby, lei


November 26 at 5:26pm

"Grief is not an enemy or a sign of weakness. It is a sign of being human. GRIEF IS THE COST OF LOVING SOMEONE." (Through a Season of Grief)


November 26 at 6:06pm

Anne Graham Lotz defines hope: "Biblical hope is absolute confidence in something you haven't seen or received yet, but you're absolutely confident that whatever God has said is going to come to pass. Jesus is your hope for the future. One day Jesus Christ will come back, and He will set all of the wrong right. Good will triumph over the bad. Love will triumph over hate. Righteousness will triumph over evil. He's going to make it all right, and you can have absolute confidence that that's going to take place. That's your HOPE."

I just read that in my Grief Share book (Through a Season of Grief), and it made me think of you. You, my love, lived your life with an amazing faith and hope in God! You showed this in good times and even in times of trials and pursecution. You taught the girls and I about your quiet strength and that it wasn't weakness, it was Christ-like humility. We are so privelaged to have spent your final years growing in Christ with you and promise you that the growth will not stop there! I love you more my super-hot-geeky-fedex man...:)


November 27 at 11:56am

SoCal-2005 to 2008: Keila and I were reminiscing about your old blue Honda CRX. We all used to crack-up at your "Flinstone mobile"! You'd always try to park at the top level of our parking garage because it was at the top of a steep-enough incline that would allow you to run-push-start your car because it had starter issues. You'd push the car out of the parking space, you'd run to the drivers seat, use your left foot to give it a lil more push, then turn the key and be on your way:) LoL One time, you yelled out of the car "Scooby-dooby-doo" after getting it started, then you called me a couple minutes later and said "Oops-wrong cartoon...I meant Yabba-dabba-doo!":) We laughed for days, and your CRX was officially dubbed the Flinstone mobile...

One of the many other SoCal memories I hold close are the many bbq's we had at our condo! We constantly had friends over at the pool! You'd man the grill, cookin up my secret marinated chicken and veggies, corn on the cob, carne asada, ribs, and sometimes oysters! You and the guys would sneak-up on people and throw 'em in the pool...we ladies would sit at the table videotaping, chatting, and sippin on margaritas or our fruity smirnoff's. 4th of July was amazing cuz we didn't have to go anywhere to watch fireworks. We just chilled by the pool:) We used to get a kick outta grossing Walter out with our mushy comments towards eachother and PDA;). Ahhh, the memories...

Gosh, babe. ALL DAY LONG memories come at me like little commercials. Even storires you'd share from before we met come up at times! Luckily, all the memories make me smile and if I cry, they're tears of joy. I thank God everyday that we had such a "wierd" relationship...never argued, and seldom disagreed without agreeing to disagree. No wonder people often told us they wished they had what you and I had:). True unconditional LOVE. Loving you more each day...your baby-girl.


November 28 at 10:57pm

So, baby-as I was going through our slow jam playlist, I found the very first song I sang to you (in person - not over the phone! LoL). I listened to it about nine hundred forty eight thousand times, thinking that I could listen to it once without crying...but I was kidding myself! The lyrics are so on point still, just as they were back then. So, from the bottom of my heart, here is my song to you baby:

Darlin' I want you to listen
I stayed up all night, so I could get this thing right
And I don't think there's anything missin'
Cause a person like you, made it easy to do
I've waited for so long, to sing to you this song

Cause your eyes are the windows to heaven
Your smile could heal a million souls
Your love completes my existence
You're the other half that makes me whole
You're the only other half that makes me whole

I think the angels are your brothers
They told you about me, said "you're just what she needs"
And I find myself thanking your mother
For giving birth to a saint
My spirit flies when I say your name
If there's one thing that's true
It's that I was born to love you

Cause your eyes are the windows to heaven
Your smile could heal a million souls
Your love completes my existence
You're the other half that makes me whole
You're the only other half that makes me whole

You make my dreams
Come true over and, over again
And I honestly truly believe
You and me are written in the stars
I live my whole life through
Giving thanks to you

Cause your eyes are the windows to heaven
Your smile could heal a million souls
Your love completes my existence
You're the other half that makes me whole
You're the only other half that makes me whole

Loving you more and more and more each day, my love...14344342!


November 28 at 11:18pm

Operation "Get thru Thanksgiving weekend" COMPLETE! It hurt, but we got thru it thanks to the AMAZING family God blessed us with☺! ♥ijkl<3M♥ November 29 at 11:01pm

We brought our tradition of endless bbq's w/ friends in SoCal to the Bay w/ us:). I think we started calling it Club Aragon after BIANCA taught us how to "dance in Oakland" that one crazy night of "scary-oke". JiJi just would not put the mic down, and then GIE almost broke our bathroom door cuz (someone) locked herself in the bathroom!!! You, of course, captured every moment on video:)!

Or how about our typical Club Aragon 4th of July? We're all chillin playing dominoes while bbq'in and jammin to old school jams when out of no where we hear POP-POp-Pop-pop all down our street. After a brief silence, someone acknowledges that it was a driveby, then one second later someone yells "who's turn is it?" and we all get right back to our game like nothing ever happened:)! LoL

And who can forget that night when we were all chillin in the backyard and all of the sudden, we hear yelling nearby. You turned off all the lights and we sat there in the dark listening to this couple fighting as they walked up and down Brookdale, then back and forth on Coolidge. Screaming at eachother and crying, while their friends were crackin up! Oh the DRAMA!

Then Fall came...school was back in session, but Club Aragon was still in effect! Winter came...and being the "Inspector Gadget / Mcguyver" you are, you setup the tent to block the wind and kept the grill going for the heat! There was no stopping Club Aragon from happening! LoL

Man-oh-man! I'm gonna miss all the FUN we had! Not to say I won't ever have fun again, but fun just isn't the same without YOU baby! I miss your laugh! The way you'd wrinkle your nose and make that cutesy-rattle sound. And that amazing smile that was so contagious! I'll forever crave those times when we'd laugh so hard that the sounds of our laughs made us laugh even harder until it started to hurt!! We were always so happy together! Although you're gone from this imperfect world my love, the abundance of memories will never die. I miss you, and I love you more...


November 29 at 11:12pm

God takes you as you are. He accepts you, & then His love changes you. You are never beyond hope. Never. (CMorgan,Through a Season of Grief"


‎November 30 at 10:38pm

2/17/07: I took on a temp graveyard shift because the lab asked for help, so after a long day of work on the 16th, followed by a 6 hour graveyard shift doing data entry, I came home to a candle-lit dining room covered in rose petals, 2 dozen red roses in a beautiful vase, balloons and Gato Barbieri's smooth saxaphone playing on the stereo. Isa & Jin were away for the weekend, and you and Lala managed to keep your plans a suprise! Lala helped w/ the decorations, while you cooked-up a delicious white clam sauce over fettucine and veggies. The 3 of us talked and ate our 'dinner for breakfast', you and I slow danced while Lala cleared the table, then both of you tucked me in to sleep.

Thinking of that day, and the other days like it, make me so happy! We were such a happy couple because both of us shared the same primary "love language"...QUALITY TIME! Our happiness wasn't dependent on where we were, what we owned, or how much $ we had - in fact, we never did have much. But the quality time we spent both as a couple AND also as a family is what kept our love growing strong everyday! The appreciation, respect and loyalty we have for one another are additional benefits that make it so easy to love eachother while here on earth, and the memories of the times we shared will keep you alive in my mind and heart until we meet again! Like I tweeted on Valentines Day 2010 "I LoVe that I'm so in LoVe" ...with a man so in love with me.

14344342! ♥ijkl<3M♥ ‎December 1 at 12:19am

"My life was totally flipped upside down emotionally, in every way you could think of" (Through a Season of Grief)

Thank God for Matthew 5:4!


December 1 at 9:09pm

Its often said that bad things are more memorable than good things. So, I am so happy to say that we have it made! I was on a mission tooday to come up with as many "bad" moments we had. Call me crazy, but all the lovey-dovey, mushy stuff I keep thinking and writing about have begun to make me think our entire relationship was just a dream! Possibly too good to be true?!?

So, I came up with quite a few things.

1-you never could just choose a restaurant! It always had to be me and the girls who would have to vote on where to eat, no matter how many times we'd say its up to you cuz you were the only boy!

2-you were the only guy in a house full of ladies, but you'd never fess up to keeping the toilet seat up!

3-you'd always forget to spray the bathroom after blowing it up!

4-you could NEVER stop and ask for directions no matter how badly lost we were !

5-your high-pitched whistle that sounded like nails to a chalkboard

The list goes on, but as you can see, they're pretty minor things that I'd happily deal with for the rest of my life if only I could have you back!

We've had our fair share of differences of opinion, but we respected eachother and just agreed to disagree! My goodness my love! I can't think of one "bad" fight or argument! I LOVE it! But, I love you more!


December 2 at 8:14am

A life-lesson learned from my amazing husband:

"Know who's word to trust, and know who to pray for after letting them talk..."Quiet Strength”


December 2 at 10:37pm

My life got flipped-turned-upside-down four weeks ago, early in the morning on November 4, 2010. I still remember waking you up for work...you downing your Strawberry Muscle Milk shake w/ frozen strawberries...sitting on the couch talking about our plans for the next few days...you tucking me in on the couch where I was catching up on all the DVR'd shows...you kissing me goodbye and telling me you love me...me saying my usual "I Love You MORE"...then for the first time ever, you said "no, I Love You MORE" then closed the door fast so I didn't have a chance to reply. I remember thinking "oh nu-uh!" and was gonna run out to you to set you straight, but you had tucked me in so comfy... Dang, I wish I did now:(.

I got a package from FedEx with a bunch of cards from fellow coworkers at each of the stations you worked at. It was such a blessing to read the messages and comments they wrote about you. Especially today! Your supervisor noted that in the short time he worked with you, "the biggest thing that always stood out was his dedication to his family. I had no idea his daughters were 'step' until after his death. He always spoke with such dedication, pride and passion about all of you...he was always saying 'I'm gonna do this with MY dayghter', or 'MY wife' with such conviction." Your boss even mentioned that he even tried to correct his boss after saying 'step daughters' cuz you had him so convinced:). Now that's LOVE! Baby, I'm sooo understanding now why you took so much pride in FedEx! They treated you like family and it shows! I'm gonna look up some job openings at the local FedEx. I'm pretty sure I'd love working there as much as you did!

I also spent a lot of time today reading thru your 2010 facebook comments and status'. On my birthday this year, you posted the following on my wall:

"Happy 21st Birthday Babee... 'For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Chri...st Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago.' (Ephesians 2:10) - You are definately God's Masterpiece. You touch so many lives, including mine, for the better. I Love you."

I was telling people it was my 23rd, but you took it 2 steps further and made me 21! :) My comment to your post:

"Have I ever told you how amazing you are? I just LOVE loving you:)!"

And I soooooo do, baby! I LOVE loving you! Every minute of every day, loving you MORE!


December 3 at 11:16pm

On August 28 at 7:24pm, you posted as your status:

"At Loard's Ice Cream in Alameda with my wifey and girls."

I found the picture you took of our ice cream cups:) Keila wasn't with us that night, so we sent her the picture to make her jealous! LoL

I miss our family trips to the Southshore Plaza in Alameda! Loards, Jamba Juice, Panera, 24 Fit Lite, BORDERS, oh my!:) The girls and I went to Borders, Elk Grove w/ the Garza's on Tuesday and had a great time, but it felt so wierd to be there without you:(

On August 28 at 9:07pm, you posted as your status:

"Satan may try to convince us our shortcomings render us useless to God. The 12 ORDINARY men Christ appointed as apostles were used to establish the church. They were considered unworthy but... turned the world upside down because GOD worked in them to do it. We are all unworthy, but GOD transforms us to be worthy. Nothing we can do ourselves can make us worthy."

After getting ice cream at Loards, we headed to Borders. You started reading the book 12 Ordinary Men, by John MacArthur, and you couldn't put it down! I wanted to buy it for you, but you hadn't finished another book you were reading and said that you'd just read it whenever we were at the bookstore instead. You were just about a chapter away from finishing before you went to actually meet the very men you were reading about! What an amazing thing! I think I'm gonna get the book myself and read it just so I can feel even closer to you. I'm an unworthy, imperfect woman who's ready to let God use me to make a Mark-size IMPACT on this world! Watch out! LoL

As I was doing a little unpacking in the garage tonight, I found a bunch of mushy-lovey-dovey cards we've given eachother over the years. One that really stood out to me said:

"Time has been good to us. It's deepened our love, strengthend ou...r friendship, and made me very sure that I could never feel this close, this much in love, with anyone else. We've learned to overlook or even laugh about little problems and not turn them into bigger ones. And when real trials have come along, we've learned the true value of having a loving friend and partner to share them with. Time has been good to us. We still look at eachother with love, and that makes life beautiful. Love has been good to us. And especially on our anniversary, I want to thank you with all my heart for sharing your life and your love with me. (Alarie Tennille)

I love you more...


December 3 at 11:40pm

QUIET STRENGTH = "Know who's word to trust, and know who to pray for after letting them talk..." (Life lessons of Mark Aragon) Love God, Love People! God is good ALL THE TIME! Love the sinner, HATE the sin!

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him Forever in the next. Amen.


December 5 at 12:56am

It's been a month...Reality is setting in...I'm beginning to accept the fact that you're gone...

I went to a GriefShare meeting with Atch this morning. It was an emotional couple of hours. Atch cried, I cried, others cried as we told your story and spoke of you.

Keila went to a winter ball w/ Gabbi, Jared and friends. The last time she went to a formal was the Bishop O'dowd junior prom earlier this year. You and I brought her to Joaquin Miller park to take pictures with the rest of their crew. I'm soooooo glad I took that picture of you and Keila! It'll definately be a keepsake she'll hold close forever.

Isa & Jin went were in the VBC Christmas Concert/Play tonight. Deb found costumes for them last minute, and they were so excited to be part of the play again! Last year, we were all part it. I remember how hectic it was for us driving back and forth to Hercules from Oakland for rehearsals...and the girls were also in the childrens choir concert! But as hectic as it was, we LOVED every moment of it! I was in the choir, the girls were in the play, and you were up in the A/V booth doin your thang! Oh, the memories...

Today was really hard for me. I couldn't be there to see Keila off because I didn't want to ruin her night. My mind was just not there. I couldn't even keep myself together as I was driving her to Fairfield. Atch and David took pictures though.

As for the Christmas Concert - I couldn't imagine sitting there, alone. I'd be a mess at such a joyous event! There are 3 more to go, so I'm planning on attending the last one, next Sunday. I'll have my sistas to sit with.

You know, baby - one thing I learned in the meeting this morning is that my tears honor YOU! They're not a sign of weakness or something that I should hold back! They represent my love for YOU!

I miss you so much it hurts, and I love you MORE!


December 5 at 11:21pm

On August 11 at 3:19pm, you posted:

"God, direct me towards mentorship. Give me discernment as I weigh choices in my life. I pray for Your leading so I can read words written by Men of God, listen to the lessons and emulate those that live righteous and Holy. I long to be the man you created me to be."

I remember reading this and feeling so blessed and thankful to God for His favor over us! A couple minutes later, I commented:

"I'm so lucky you're so in love w/ me:)! God is good!"

I think I began to notice a big difference in our marriage and family life after we listened to the Christ Centered Relationships series by Francis & Lisa Chan, back in June/July. We had to have listened to it in its entirety at least 10 times! In the car, at home, I even listened to it a couple of times while I was at my internship over the summer! It helped us to realize that everything will fall into place by focusing on loving GOD with all our heart, mind and soul! So, rather than focusing on making eachother "happy" all we had to do was genuinly LOVE GOD (the key word being GENUINLY), and by doing so our actions would be in line with His will. He commands that we love an honor one another, and there you have it - WE'RE HAPPY! :)

I did more driving this weekend than I have since 11/4, and it made me miss you so much more! Not just because you usually did the driving when you were here:), also because I started to reminisce about how we'd always listen to sermons and talk about them together. Or how I'd be singing my heart out, you'd compliment me and tell me how much you loved my voice, then I'd finish the song completely off-key on purpose and ask "would you still love me if I sang like that?", and you'd just laugh. Or how you'd start singing back to me until I'd turn the radio lower so I could hear you like you were serenading me, then you'd stop singing so I'd turn it back up and you'd start singing again:)!

We used to love Alicia Keys' Unplugged CD! We used to always sing "How Come You Don't Call Me" together! And our fave duet - "If You Say My Eyes are Beautiful" by Whitney Houston... Of course, our whole family enjoyed jammin to praise and gospel music all the time too. We LOVED praisin and worshiping together! Oh man, we shared the love of music!

I know I keep saying it, but THANK YOU! For everything! But most of all, for choosing to love the girls and I and for allowing God to bless us thru you.

I love you more...


December 6 at 11:41pm

You know, I wouldn't have even attempted to take on 21 units between 3 schools last spring semester if it weren't for you convincing me I could do it! I remember feeling "stuck" after working temp jobs all last year without finding that perfect full-time permanent job that paid enough. So, we prayed on it and the Lord led me to the Me...dical Assisting program at Merritt College! And since my bigger goal was to end up in Health Info Technology, I took additional classes at Laney and thru SBCC to get me started on my degree:)! Gosh! Just reading all that is tiring! LoL:) But I remember you talking me thru it while trying to decide whether it was doable or not. You reminded me of the fact that from the day we met, until the day we moved back to the Bay, I worked from 1 to 3 jobs whenever needed! You said my strength and work ethic as a mother of 3 were some of the first characteristics that stood out and made you wanna get to know me:)!

You had been working part time at Best Buy for a couple of months and were hopeful that you'd soon be full time. So, I enrolled! It was tough, no doubt. Things didn't work out as you hoped at Best Buy, so in April you got rehired at FedEx part time and wa-la! Everything started to get better:)! Summer semester I completed my internship and 7 units thru SBCC, while you worked and began to really consider what you wanted to go back to school for.

One night in late July, we walked the Berkeley Pier and talked about your options. It was between firefighter training and pursuing the management track at FedEx. By the end of the night, we decided on both! You knew FedEx was doable, but being part time and having low senority made it Plan B.

Fall semester, you dove right into taking firefighter program classes while seeking full time opportunities at FedEx. Times were getting harder during the Fall because your Best Buy hours were often getting cut drastically! I remember a couple of weeks they only scheduled you for 8 total hours! So, you signed up for extra hours at FedEx whenever you could.

So, with your hectic schedule, my crazy schedule, the girls attending 3 different schools, ministry work, hula, various school functions, a ton of family parties, and only one vehicle, we were the closest family ever! :) We did everything together, practically living in that Suburban! And when Alana moved upstairs, we gladly added her to the mix:)! She immediately became La's lil sissy, and Jin and Isa's big sissy!

Baby, I miss our hectic, broke, happy, blessed life together! If it meant we could have you back I'd leave our safe new home and go back to our Oakland life where we our cars constantly got broken into, random people would run thru our yard to get to the other side, and I seldom slept when you weren't home protecting us! Life just doesn't feel right without you here living it with us! Nothing seems to make sense anymore and all I do all day is reminisce about the times we shared together. And when I manage to think about other things, something triggers a memory, and I go right back to having you on the brain!

Today at Kaiser, I was just sitting in the dr's office and on her wall were folders w/ patient handouts. Some were for smokers, others were for arthritis and heart conditions and stuff. And one folder was labeled "MVA"! Idont know what it really stood for, but to me it was Mark Vita Aragon! Then there were the million Suburbans that kept driving by as I was waiting for Atch in the car, and the one just like ours that parked right in front of me! Then the flu shots we got...made me think about how sick you got when you got yours in October. And finally, as I drove past a McDonalds and Keila mentioned how you didn't get to enjoy this winters McRib! That was it for me and I started cry/laughing cuz I couldn't believe how present you were today! Atch was like "you're crying over a McRib?". LoL

I feel like your presence that I feel everyday is Gods way of reminding me that you're always with me. Just as God has revealed Himself to us over the past year+! That's why I haven't gone looney and depressed...because I never "lost" you. Just like I never lost my hope, joy, faith or my praise! I just miss the human version of you. But I thank God your spirit and our memories will never leave me. *Muah* I love you more;)!


December 7 at 12:43am

Heavenly Father, The pressure seems unbearable, but it has not crushed me. I am utterly confused and overwhelmed, but I have not given up. My distress is constant, but so are You. I have been forcefully struck down, but I am not destroyed. (Through a Season of Grief)


December 7 at 10:02pm

So, I wanted to start off by thanking you... I was running late for a 3o'clock appointment because the building I needed to be at was hard to find. When I finally found it, I parked at the far end of the parking lot and started power-walking to the office. Halfway there I started to wonder if I locked the doors. It was either 1-go to the appointment and pray no one decides to try and steal my car; or 2-run back and check. Luckily, your spirit, or the memory of you (whatever u wanna call it) reminded me of that trick you taught me! So I held the remote to my neck, pressed the lock button, and the "beep beep" confirmed that the car was secure! :) So, thanks baby!!! "I thank God everytime I remember you." Philippians 1:3

Now, can you PLEASE help me figure out how to setup this friggin wireless modem router internet thingy?!?!? Seriously!!! ;)

Today was a busy, busy day. One would think that the busyness would be a distraction from my grief, but NO! Not for this woman! If anything, it intensified it! I'm not only grieving losing you (singular)...I'm grieving the loss of the life we shared and each individual thing you were to me. My friend, my love, Papa to our girls, the garbage taker-outer, our personal security system, my personal trainer, my taste tester, my eye-cover-upper whenever Shemar Moore would come on screen while watching Criminal Minds LoL, my cheerer-upper, my comforter, our tech support, my encourager, a source of our entertainment, my lumpia wrapper, the one who knows me like no one else, and on and on and on... I'm grieving every quality of you!

"One reason grief disrupts so many aspects of your life is because your loss is not one isolated loss." (Through a Season of Grief)

Man, this sucks! Babe, I lost 10 pounds since my last Kaiser appt on 10/25! You said that for every 10 pounds lost, you'd take me out on a date! A real, thoughtfully planned out, romantic date;)! Not just our day-to-day kinda romantic mushiness. So not fair!!! But its all good though. I shall continue where we left off. I brought Keila to 24 today to add her membership. Sadly, I also had to cancel yours:(. But the sales guy said he thinks they can just transfer your membership to me! That would be so awesome, considering I pay $30/month and your dues are $50/YEAR! I should find out by the end of the week:)!

So, starting Monday (cuz we have a pretty busy rest of this week) La and I plan on dropping the girls off at school, then heading to the gym, then home so she can get ready for school which starts at noon. We want to do that M-F, but at least 3 days/week. The schedule will change once I start working and get back to school, but for now, it is what it is. :)

Please continue to remain my source of motivation thru this. It is still hard to think about my physical health when I'm an emotional wreck...especially when our plan was to get healthy so we can have a son (you were so sure we'd have a boy...!). But I know I gotta do it so I can have the energy and strength to be both Momma AND Papa to the girls, and to fulfill God's will for my life (like you did).

I love you more my suga-baby:)!


December 7 at 6:55pm

"All I want for Christmas is YOU...Baby!"


December 7 at 10:22pm

I became a 32 y/o widow & single-mother of 3 overnight! Don't take your LoVeS or your other many BLeSSiNGS for granted. Remember James 4:14.


December 8 at 9:31am

I don't want a lot 4 Christmas, there is just 1 thing I need. I don't care about the presents uderneath the Christmas tree.


December 8 at 9:33am

I just want you for my own, more than you could ever know. Make my wish come true...ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS MY MAN!

But like my sista said last night: "It's going to get dirty and I'll need a flat bed truck but okay...". LoL

THIS GRIEVING DURING THE HOLIDAYS STUFF SUCKS!!! :(


December 8 at 11:29am

"I miss you...most at Christmas time. And I can't get you-get you off my mind."


December 8 at 2:04pm

Remembering the days when Christmas music made me happy... The immense impact Mark Matthew Aragon had on my life is immesurable. ♥ijkl<3M♥ ‎December 8 at 2:20pm

"I just want you here tonight, holding on to me so tight. What more can I do? Baby, all I want for Christmas is you. YOU, BABY!"


December 8 at 11:51pm

The closer we get to Christmas, the more crazy it gets. Today was another busy and emotional day. I completed 3 make-up quizzes, and have 2 finals to complete this week (possibly 3 if the instructor gets back to me). Luckily, the other instructors were compassionate enough to work with me in regards to the last month I did nothing at all!

Driving to Keila's school to drop her off, we listened to Mariah Carey's Christmas album. We got there prety early so we sat in the car and I tried my best to hold back the tears so she wouldn't worry, but right in the middle of O Holy Night, I just broke down! It wasn't even a mushy song like All I Want For Christmas or anything! Man, Christmas music used to trigger happy, joyful thoughts...but now, it just makes me sad thinking about our first Christmas without you. Christmas was your favorite holiday, New Years was "our" day, and Valentines Day was my fave! Now, considering how horribly I did on Thanksgiving, I'm sure it will just get worse with each coming holiday...

Keila and I were on our way to Borders in Elk Grove (again) when we found a Best Buy and decided to go in. This probably sounds wierd, but the smell as soon as we walked in reminded me of you! Walking around the store and seeing the workers in their uniforms reminded me of you! Walking thru the laptop area reminded me of the last time we did that! Seeing the kids playing on the game consoles that were setup reminded me of the times you'd pick us all up from school at your lunch break and we'd wait for you to finish your shift so the girls would play games while waiting! Overhearing conversations at the Geek Squad counter reminded me of all crazy-customer stories you'd tell me after a crazy day at work! Poor Keila kept asking "are you ok momma?"...I'm sure because she could see the emotion on my face.

So, for a while, I was thinking "Man, I wish our relationship wasn't as close to perfection as it was! Maybe I wouldn't painfully miss you so darn much!". Then I snapped out of it because if we weren't as happy and in LoVe as we were, I think it would hurt MORE because I'd have so many REGRETS to think about on top of MiSSing you like CRaZY! So, I'm convinced now more than ever that our pasts (no matter how painful) were meant to be. We met eachother when we were supposed to meet because we were ready to appreciate eachother and finally experience true love! God knew He'd call you home when He did so He gave you 3 amazing girls to live-out the Papa role that came so natural to you!

So ALL Glory, Honor and Praise to our Heavenly Father for ordering our steps the way He did since we took our first steps as babies! I thank the Lord for the good, the bad and everything in between because everything we experienced in our lives before we met molded and shaped us into the two parts of a perfect whole!

I thank God for YOU, everyday! I love you more my Matthew...