Sunday, December 26, 2010

December 14, 2010 at 1:53am

Can you believe Baby is in the double digits now???? My goodness, she's gettin old! The goodie bags were a hit with her classmates:) For dinner, we went to Fentons in Vacaville with the fam. Jin realized how she had to order a half-crab sandwich instead of a whole one because you weren't there to eat the other half:(

It was another unexpected difficult day for me, but I'm pretty happy with how I held myself together for the b'day girl. In anticipation of today I thought it would be a significantly better day for me because I was so excited for her as I watched her get all teeny-bopper-happy to say bye-bye to the single digits...but I must've blocked out the fact that we always enjoyed watching our girls and their birthday countdowns together. Keila's birthMONTH (one day just isn't enough! LoL), Jin's never ending wish list, and Baby's "princess mode" cuz a birthday means she's much more mature than the previous day. ;)

This "year of first's" without you seems to get worse as the days go by! One would think it would get a little easier, but that sure ain't happening. If it weren't for griefshare, I'd think I was going crazy! But I know that what I'm experiencing is OK. It's OK for me to get emotional when I drive past a Burger King because you LOVED them whoppers, hold the cheese! It's OK that the Magic Bullet infomercial made me cry because you LOVED using ours for everything! It's OK for me to get angry inside whenever I see a CHP car on the freeway! It's OK that I sat in the Borders parking lot in tears because there was a FedEx truck parked behind a Geek Squad car as the courier made a quick delivery. And it's OK for us to think you're messin with us because I was ready to give up trying to setup our wireless router after days of trying (Comcast was gonna charge a grip to come out and do it), then one day Keila tells me it's working?!?! Or how we couldn't figure out why there was no sound when we'd play a DVD, then all of the sudden Jin get's some sort of "geek-revelation" or something, messes with some wiring, and fixes it! I'm not exaggerating one bit when I say that you're on my mind ALL DAY!

Jin and I were reminiscing about how you and I would be hugging and when the girls would see us, they'd come charging at us trying to break us apart saying "MY momma!" and you just wouldn't let go and say "no, she's MINE!". Or how we'd give eachother a little smooch and if they happened to see, they'd get all OA and grossed out! ;) We'd always say "what? would you rather we fight all the time instead of being lovey-dovey all the time?" And of course, they'd joke about how they'd rather us fight all the time, and we'd say OH WELL!!! Hahahhaha

I miss your hugs so much! I miss how we'd stop in the middle of doing something just to say "I love you" at the most random times... and the times we'd be walking around the grocery store separately and you'd sneak up behind me and hold me and i'd say "sorry, i'm married", and you'd say "so?" LoL Even our phone conversations when we weren't together were still so sweet!

I'm so glad the girls got to witness what a loving, Christ-centered relationship is like, in us. I hear so many horror stories about young women who settle for mental/verbal/physical abuse from their men...I highly doubt our girls would put up with any of that! (i'll keep prayin on it though!)

Well, it's getting late so goodnight babee. Missing and loving you more and more...