Missing you...

Christmas is over now, and I still can't believe you weren't here with us. I spent a lot of this weekend numb and kinda detached from reality. I mean, I knew you weren't gonna walk thru the door but at the same time I felt like you were just away for a while...not forever. I don't know how to explain it...but i'm sure you feel me.

Keila, Alana and I are heading to SoCal tomorrow. I'm sure it'll be the longest road trip EVER because I'm probably gonna stop at every place I remember stopping at with you during our many drives back and forth. Gosh, that's a lot of stops! But it'll be fun, I'm sure:)! I can't wait to revisit all the significant places we spent a lot of time at when we lived in Aliso Viejo! Hopefully, we'll get to hang out with old friends too...

It's odd that it seems like it was just yesterday that you left, yet it seems like time is flying at the same time! I must be going crazy! Nothing makes sense anymore! And trying to make sense of things just makes everything more confusing! I miss your voice so much. We used to make fun of ourselves because the words "I love you" never got old! Not a day ever passed without us telling eachother "I love you" throughout the day. Not that we needed to remind eachother...there were just so many moments when a look, a word, or a touch would remind us of just how much we love eachother, and it just felt right to say it! It didn't matter who was or wasn't around us...all that mattered was that we said what we felt. I miss our "I love you because..." moments. We could be in the middle of a heated discussion or difference of opinion, but in the end one of us would say "I love you because you're honest and will always tell me how you feel...even when you're wrong!" LoL

I've been on the road a lot lately, and it still feels wierd to not have your hand to hold, or your arm to lay my head on. And everytime a special song plays, it's so hard to not have you beside me to explain how it makes me feel about you. I miss you asking me to scratch your back while you're driving, or how I'd mess around and put my hand on your neck and tell you I wasn't gonna tickle you, but you'd get all figity and ticklish anyways.

Sometimes I lay in bed just waiting for you to come kiss me good morning...and at night (or whenever it is I'm able to get sleep) I lay in bed just imagining you tucking me in then holding me. I miss waking up in the middle of the night FREEZING because you stole all the blankets and rolled youself into a "burrito". Most of all, I miss simply staring at you while you sleep...admiring how peaceful and handsome you are. Of course, when you weren't snoring like a bear! LoL And speaking of snoring, I miss how the girls would tell us we were like a symphony when we slept because our snoring was in perfect harmony! hahahaha

Well babe, it's almost 5:30am and I have a looooong day ahead of me. So, now i'm gonna lay in bed and imagind you tucking me in and holding me tight until I fall asleep and hopefully dream of you. Thank you for the special way you love me and for taking such good care of my heart. I miss you and I love you more...