Things I Dislike (AKA-HATE! But I dont like that word, so I'll go w/ "Dislike") Part 2

21. Being alone. I was rarely ever alone before, and even when I was it wasn't for long. I didn't have to spend that alone-time having to comprehend the fact that I'd never see you again.

22. Being around friends and family to kick-it. We did everything together! Being around the very people we spent soooooo much time with together just intensifies my grief.

***In other words, being alone sucks...and being around people sucks. I can't avoid either so I know I must get thru those moments of weakness. Grief sucks!

23. Bookstore cafe's. It's just not the same without you with me/us.

24. Candy!!! OK babe - you'll think I'm crazy but when you left, you took my sweet tooth with you! SERIOUSLY! I went from craving sweets 24/7 to finding foods/desserts/drinks TOO sweet! I wonder if my cravings had anything to do with the fact that you always brought me sweets, often times to suprise me. I practically quit sweets cold turkey. That's probably why i've been losing weight:).

25. Pretty pink skies, sunrises/sunsets, and all other pretty views. I can't see them for what they are anymore. All I see in them is you...and that makes me painfully miss you.

26. Quiet. I can't concentrate on anything when it's too quiet. I need noise to drown my random thoughts and keep that roller coaster of emotions from coming out.

27. Watching TV. Criminal Minds, Law & Order, CSI, The Closer - we'd always talk thru these shows. Debating what would happen next and acting like we know better than law enforcement! LoL

28. Movies. I've tried to watch movies, but I just can't. Even movies that we never watched together before. I don't know why...maybe its my attention span?!?! I understand not being able to watch mushy love stories, or movies that we've watched together, but ALL movies? I just don't get it.

29. Driving. You did 99% of the driving when we were together. It was a "man thing". Even when you'd be super tired and I'd be too paranoid to fall asleep so I could make sure you'd stay awake.

30. Sleep. It doesn't come easy these days. It has to do with the quiet, not having you to tuck me in, and the fact that my brain refuses to rest!


OK - I think it's time to stop w/ the DISlikes... Imma go and try to sleep, even though I'm not yet delirious. I really need to get myself on a normal sleeping pattern! The earlier I sleep each night the closer I'll get to it. :) Goodnight hun. 1434

Things I Dislike (AKA-HATE! But I dont like that word, so I'll go w/ "Dislike")

1. Having to depend on my alarm clock. I am not a morning person at all, so I miss you waking me up when it was time or giving me a wake up call when you were already gone for the day. Oh, and calling me every 5 minutes to make sure I got up.

2. Not having your hand to hold. We always did! It never got old like it does in some marriages. We held hands in the car, walking around the store (except grocery stores...it woulda been hard to maneuver the cart, so you'd just hold me from behind while I pushed the cart unless you were off walking around the store), we'd even hold hands while sitting on the couch watching TV!

3. Not being able to talk to you. Its just me now. I'm responsible for making all personal and parenting decisions on my own now. I cant talk things thru with you when issues arise and when it comes to having talks with the kids, its just me! You're not here to help explain when I'm not getting thru, or simply to have my back. And aside from parenting, I dont have you to bounce ideas off of anymore! All I can do is try to make decisions based on what I think you would do if you were here. Thats not always easy, especially since you were able to help me see things from a perspective other than my own when I needed a reality check!

4. Sitting in church alone...and not having you to talk about the sermon with afterward.

5. Not being part of the Refuge Community Church planting team anymore. We served as a family! You handling the A/V stuff, me on the worship team, Keila teaching in the childrens ministry, all 5 of us hustling Sunday mornings to setup before service and tear-down after. I even miss the "rush hour" Sunday mornings just trying to get to church in time! And the drive there blasting the worship songs we'd be singing that day and all of us worshipping. Weekly rehearsals and Friday bible studies were things we looked forward to also. I miss RCC altogether! It hurts just thinking about how much we're missing out on. And of course THE PREACHING!!! Not every Pastor out there can have us craving more JESUS like Pastor Ron!

6. Not having you here to handle car issues. I dont know squat about cars, other than how to drive and fill up the gas tank! Go figure-I've been having car issues I've never had to deal with come up lately. I'm a mechanic's dream! They could probably sell me services I dont even need.

7. Not feeling safe and secure. Just having you around made us feel safe. At home, out at night, even when I, or the girls and I, would come home by ourselves at night all we'd have to do is call you and we'd feel safe to walk from the car to the apartment.

8. Not being able to cuddle:(. I miss your hugs sooooo much! A simple hug from you made me feel so loved! The tender strength of your arms around me is a feeling I'll never forget.

9. The girls homework! Math was your thing. You always helped them with it, and I'm not good at it at all! You remembered all that algebra and chemistry lingo...my way of helping is usually to say "google it!"

10. Not having you as my crazy personal trainer. Dont get me wrong...Emily kicks my butt too! But at least with you, I'd get a massage the next couple of days after because I would ache so bad.

11. Grocery shopping!!! I dont like shopping AT ALL! Not for groceries, or clothes, or gifts...none at all! Especially when it comes to loading the trunk with everything we bought, and putting the groceries away when we got home. You always used your FedEx skills and packed everything just right. You'd even take the time properly place the items in the cart while shopping! Even when the cart wasnt full, you'd rearrange everything a certain way. ;)

12. Not having our own personal Geek Squad agent. Once any techy issue comes up, you're not here to fix it, or to ask what to do.

13. Having to leave restaurants with leftovers! LoL

14. Speaking of restaurants, whenever I wanted to try something new, you'd order something you already know I liked in case I didnt like my meal. I dont think you had taste buds! You could eat anything!!!

15. HEADACHES!!! Especially because you're not here to dig your knuckles into my scull to relieve the pain!!! Kinda like the one I have right now! :(

16. Family gatherings. OK, so I dont dislike the gatherings themselves...just not having you there. Even with the noise, kids running around, trying to have a conversation while a game is blasting on the tv and the guys are yelling at the players, and food coma - your presence is still missed. I see the little kids and think of how you always loved holding and playing with them. As the camera flashes go off I get sad cuz i know you're not gonna be in any pictures. The food...my goodness THE FOOD! You know that makes me think of you!!! LoL

17. Quiet! I cant stand QUIET! Its so hard to just be still for me...my thoughts and emotions take over and I end up a mess!

18. Mushy love songs! Although I torture myself with my Mark&Lei playlist all the time!

19. Lovey-dovey couples! Now I know how others felt around us!!!

20. Disrespectful couples. It makes me sad to see or hear about couples taking eachother for granted. We made it almost 7 years (since we met) without ever speaking a harsh or disrespectful word toward one another!

***
Wow. This is pretty therapeutic! But this darn headache is making me nauseous...I'll be back later babee. 1434