Last night, Ate Sette and I went to a GriefShare meeting at FBC. Some brought photo albums of their lost loved one, one person brought a quilt her kids made using her late-husbands shirts (this totally got my creative juices flowin!!!), one gentleman brought a newspaper clipping where he wrote a letter to his late-father which he does yearly. I wore the memorial shirt and did my best to "introduce" you to everyone. Having Ate Sette there was my saving grace because it was definately hard for me to attempt to paint a fair picture of the extraordinary man you are! And without sounding like a fictional fairytale...
Ate Sette said a few words in your honor too..I think that what touched me the most out of all that she said is the fact having you in mine and the girls lives brought her (and the rest of the family) comfort. It made me think of some of the encouraging emails I've received from here...here's bits and pieces of just SOME of the email's she's sent:
I miss Mark! I miss Mark for Leila! I miss Mark for Keila, Jeilen, and Isa! I want those girls to have their Papa! He was such a tremendous blessing to our family…in so many ways.
Knowing he was with Leila and the girls…it gave me and Nick so much peace. His presence set my mind at ease when it came to all my concerns for my baby sister and nieces. Mark was the MAN!
All is not lost! Hope in God my family! He will make a way…where there seems to be no way…
Many of Christ’s followers probably thought the same thing about Jesus’ “untimely” death, carried out “at the hands of His enemies”. He too was 32 when He was killed.
Untimely? No, it was His appointed time to go home to be with His Heavenly Father. His work on this earth was done. Before HE GAVE UP HIS SPIRIT, He said, “it is finished!” In truth, He was born to die…to redeem mankind…a ransom for many!
There is no random act in our lives. If we believe God to be God, He must be in control of ALL THINGS! How can He be God and have random things happen in his kingdom? He wouldn’t be our All Mighty, All Powerful God if anything could happen that He Himself hasn’t ordained. Christ died a senseless death, He was the innocent dying for the guilty; was God not over that?
Leila, your hope and comfort comes from KNOWING…without a doubt, that our Heavenly Father is over ALL THINGS that touches your life: blessings and suffering, alike! God uses suffering in our lives to make us more like Christ, does He not ordain it too? This is not Plan B.
Think of Job. Tragedy hit him HARD. Yet, we read in Job 1:8-12 that God gave satan permission to sift him. This evil was under God’s permissible will. It was NOT at the hands of His enemy satan. God set limits on satan. Satan was NOT free to do his will. God was in control! This truth make God more glorious because we can rest our weary souls in His sovereign will…like you say, “no matter what’s going on in my life.”
In our eyes, it was “untimely” because he was a young man with a wife and small children. He had MUCH to offer and MUCH left to be done for the Lord. Honestly, I did ask God, WHY? But then WHY do missionaries get murdered? Why do men and women of God get martyred? There’s much they could offer in building God’s kingdom. Why wouldn’t God keep them alive to do His work here on earth?
But whose to say that any of us will live to a ripe old age? And why is an extended life here on earth considered blessing?
Where do I land? I land in Isaiah 55:8-9
“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Neither are your ways My ways, declares the LORD,
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth.
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.
To live is Christ, to die is GAIN! I am a vapor that appears for a little while. My purpose on earth is to be an ambassador for Christ. It’s all too easy (for me) to get entangled with the things of this world and to NOT live in light of the very true fact that I live in the land of the dying and I’m on my way to the land of the living! I get too comfortable with my life here. I don’t long for Heaven enough! Thank you Mark for restoring my “eternal perspective” on life.These are the kinds of messages I'm reading over, and over everyday! Encouraging, positive messages that lift the girls and I up and increases our hope. We're still dealing with 'open wounds' though. While I've been working on being more open about my grief, even around the girls to a point, I realized how hard it's gonna be to know how much is too much. Jin, Isa and I were on our way to Keila's school to pick her up when Jin asked me why I've been so obsessed with saying "I love you MORE" lately. She doesn't know about my letters to you...and she probably wont know until I let her get a FB account (when she's 14). So, I explained how those were the last 4 words you spoke to me when you left the apartment that early morning. I probably should have left it at that...but I started to explain further. About some of the things we discussed as you were getting ready for work, and the plans we had for the next day, and how you tucked me in like you always would...then I realized Isa was in the back seat crying. I felt horrible! But at the same time, I'm glad we had that moment. We talked about what she was feeling and how we all are on the same boat...missing you like crazy...and we're here for eachother no matter what. It was a good cry...
Now on to some more church-search-updating: As I mentioned, I went to a GriefShare meeting at FBC yesterday which is an AMAZING ministry they offer; I registered the girls for AWANAs tonight. They had their first session and they LOVED IT!!!; Friday night FBC is having a family movie night. We're gonna watch Pistacio, which is a VeggieTales movie:).; I still haven't decided for sure whether I'll be going to the FBC service on Sunday...the sermon will be about Godly Husbands. Part of me wants to go to hear what the pastor has to say...but the other part of me thinks i'm a whimp and wont last 5 minutes! We'll see...
I hope you're nice and warm up there!!! Cuz I'm FREEZING right now! I'm gonna go get your snuggie, and sleep with it on under my 2 blankets:)! Goodnight sweetheart...1434.
