Just a Dream

I'm begging you...PLEASE dont ever show up in my dreams like you did this morning! I finally fell asleep around 4:30am then woke up at 7:30 to bring Isa/Jin to school, came back home to go back to sleep and had quite a dream!

In my dream, I picked up the girls from school and came home to a very familiar scent and we found you in the kitchen cookin up your famous bistek. I texted you (wierd) to ask you where you've been and you turned to me (I dont know where the girls were after we got to the kitchen) and said "i'm sorry i didnt call babee, i pulled over to take a power nap on my way home and it turned into more than just a nap". Just like you always did those long drives home when you were still working between the Bay and SoCal.

I ran and put my arms around you (in the kitchen, like we often did) and just cried on your shoulder. You realized what your absence did to me and kept apologizing over and over. The wierd thing is that I didnt say a word the entire dream! As you know very well, i'm a talker...sometimes I dont know when to shutup. But seeing you after thinking you're dead for over 2 months had me speechless.

The last thing I remember is you sitting in front of the computer reading this letter/blog from beginning to end and you just kept repeating "I'm sorry, I love you" over and over... Then I woke up at 11:00 to get Keila to school. Before i finally got up, I sat there trying to convince myself that my dream wasnt a dream, but deep down inside, i knew it was.

Now I'm sitting here in the parking lot of Keilas school in tears because I cant get my emotions under control. I dont even remember the drive here! I'm struggling to be as "normal" as possible (whatever that means), but that dream really got me messed up! So please dont do that again...its killing me. I miss you like crazy, but playing with my emotions like that just makes it worse for me. Nevertheless, I love you more...