I wish so much that I could talk to you right now... It doesnt have to be in person! I'd be more than willing to have a phone conversation with you, or even a text chat would be enough! Sometimes I stare at my phone just wishing you would call me. And other times I see the green light flashing and I want to find a text or email from you. You are the only person on earth who understood me. When I talked in circles, trying to over-explain my feelings because I dont wanna offend anyone and I want to be clearly understood, YOU understood my word vomit! Sometimes things would come up and all I'd have to do is look at you, and you'd say "I know babe, I know"...without me saying a word! So many emotions...so many perceptions...and no you to translate what I'm feeling into words. I'd rather disregard my feelings than try to explain em, but that never turns out right and eventually I find myself in a situation where I have to speak up. Then I just just make a mess by somehow miscommunicating what I'm feeling!
I've never grieved like this before...NEVER! One day I was the loved wife of an amazing man who was "the other half that made me whole"...and the next day I was an incomplete widow. There was no widowhood 101 at any schools I attended. There's no step-by-step manual on how to grieve my husband. And even worse, you didnt leave a manual for everyone I come in contact with on how to understand me!
I just wish I were an open book. That way, everyone can read me and understand me...like only you know how. Gosh, I need you.
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Here's my letter to you, Mark Matthew Aragon. The LOVE of my life, and Papa to our girls, who's Heavenly birthday is 11/04/2010. There's so much I want to say and if Heaven had a phone, I'd call. Missing & loving you more everyday, Lei
