5 Months already???

(I had to make some corrections...it's been 5 months - not 6. I've been "off" all day!!!)

I spent all day long searching and applying for jobs on the net. This search has been so painful! Part of me wants to believe that the employers I've interviewed with are just afraid to hire me because of the drastic life changes that have occured in my life in the last six months... For the first couple months, I was using my markandlei.com email address so I changed it after thinking that people I'm sending my resumes to might be following my rollercoaster of emotions on my blog! Maybe I should write more about how I CAN handle a job amidst these emotions cuz my momma raised me that way. It's that RUIZ blood flowin through my veins!

So, five months have come and gone...I was tellin the girls this morning that half a year (I meant "almost half a year"...I've been OFF all day!) has gone by so fast and that before we know it, your 1st Heavenly birthday will be here. FIVE MONTHS, and at times I still feel like you're just "away" and can be back any moment. I wonder if that feeling will ever end?!?! Or, is feeling this way God's way of helping me make it through each day? His way of "weaning" me off of living a life with you, to a life without you?

I guess that no matter what His will is for me in all this, I just gotta continue to trust that it is what it is - HIS will, not my own. These jobs I've applied to, no matter how perfect I may think they'd be, are NOT in line with HIS will for me. As long as I am doing my part and actively seeking a job in order to provide for our family, I MUST TRUST that HE WILL PROVIDE! Just as he has since day one.

I really, REALLY miss you! Happy 5 month Heavenly birthday booboose...1434.

What a long, short weekend!

Friday

6:30am
Keila and I headed to the airport to park the car, check-in luggage, and wait on our flight. Lala decided to pull an all-nighter so she could sleep on the plane, even though the flight was only an hour and a half! LoL I miss traveling with you...

8am
We boarded the plane. We were in the second half of boarding groupl B, so we ended up in the very back of the plane so we could sit together! Guess what babe, I didn't need any help putting my seat belt on this time:)! That felt sooooo good!!! I looked through the SkyMall magazine and smiled at all the silly-gadgets. I remember how you'd nudge me throughout our flights to show me something you'd want and tell me about how you wish you'd thought up some of that stuff yourself:) LoL

9:30am
We landed in VEGAS! You know, it didn't even hit me till we landed that the weekend we got married was my first time in Vegas, and this past weekend was my first trip there without you:(. What a thought to start off my weekend in the city that never sleeps!!!!! I miss cutting off the circulation in your hand during while landing...

11:30am
Met Sarah, Marc & Siara Alonzo at Tahiti Joes for lunch. It was so nice to see them! We tried to meet-up with them in Monterey so many times before before 11/4, but something always came up (on our end). It really tore me up inside that the last time they saw us was at your funeral. From SoCal to the bay, their friendship has always meant so much to us.

12:20pm
We got checked-in at Excalibur. While I was checking us in, all I could think of was one of our trips to Vegas when you shmoozed your way to an upgraded room at check-in. You made a best-friend out of almost EVERYONE you spoke to!

12:45pm
As we were walking to our room, I got some bad news via email. The job I was soooo excited about was given to someone else. That was the first time I teared-up through a hotel! Thank GOD Angie & Keila were there to make me smile/laugh through the tears... I couldn't believe it! The day before, I had the most amazing interview and was told that it was between me and another candidate, AND was told I'd get a call by Monday to schedule the next interview. But I got rejected before getting the opportunity to WoW the next manager. Another thing to affect my mood so early in the trip. And although I got a lot of love and support from Angie and my family, I really miss your ability to cheer me up in all situations...

1:30pm
Our luggage STILL wasn't dropped off to our room! Considering the news I got about the job, I probably shouldn't have been the one to call the bell desk! LoL Good thing I gave the phone to Angie before the supervisor came on the phone! If you were there, you would've gone downstairs and got our stuff yourself! LoL

2pm
After our luggage finally arrived, Keila went to hang out with her cousins while Angie and I hung-out downstairs at the casino. I probably shouldn't have been told that in Vegas, you get free drinks even playing penny slots! LoL I had a few glasses of merlot due to my mood AND the fact that they were free! I miss how you'd know exactly when to cut me off because you knew my alcohol-tolerance-level better than I did...

5pm
Angie rescued me from the penny slots and we went to eat at a resturant in our hotel. Dick's Last Resort, known as "The Shame O' the Strip." THAT, my dear, was the strangest experience ever! Service with sarcasm is their motto, yet there was more sarcasm than service! Angie and I had a blast though:).

6:45pm
After dinner, I went up to the room to take a nap because the wine totally messed me up! I didn't wake-up till 5 hours later! Ha! I came to Vegas to take a friggin nap! LoL But considering the way my day went, the best thing for me to do was spend my night resting! Without a doubt, I missed how you used to spoon me and lightly stoke my forhead to relax my eyelids till I'd knock-out! That was the BEST way to fall asleep while stressed...

Saturday

7am
Rise & Shine! We all (Me, Angie, Alana & Keila) got up to get ready for the reason we went to Vegas! Luckily, I showered before I went to bed hours earlier...4 chicks in a hotel room with an hour and a half to get ready?!? hahaha We got to Bally's at 9am. As soon as I walked into the convention room the music brought me back to the YTB convention in St. Louis that we went to! You were the DJ at the after-party. I went around and said hello to the life-long friends we made through YTB. Next thing I knew, they called up "the family of Mark Aragon" to the stage. Al, Alana, Moe, Aaron, your Mom, Myk, Jamie, Keila and I made our way up there as Arlyne said amazing things about you. Al said a few sweet words about his baby brother, your mom shared, then my heart spoke a little about the Man of God you were, your passion for our biz, then said thanks. Here's the beautiful plaque they presented in your honor:

What a privlege and an honor to be a part of such an amazing YTB family! We share so many memories with so many of them from meetings at Marie Callendars, to road trips and "YTP" ;), to karaoke with Arlyne while she does her hammer-dance, the 2009 convention in St. Louis, and so much more. I miss the way you'd passionately work our YTB biz! It was always about BLeSSiNG others...

Later that night at around 9 or 10'ish, Angie and I headed back to Bally's to kick-it with friends. Louis, Myk & Jamie chilled with us at Indigo Lounge, there at Bally's. There was a filipino band performing and they were pretty good. A little after Joy joined us, I had to "peace-out"! I didn't think being there would be so sad for me. I never had to sit while everyone was dancing. Ya, I could've got on the dance floor and danced with friends, but all I could think of was YOU! A couple of the songs played and performed even brought me back to specific times being on a dance floor with you. So, before becoming a party-pooper, I excused myself from the fun. I SOOOOOO miss the fun we had anywhere and wherever there was music...

Sunday

2am
We made it back to our room where we got all our stuff packed and ready to go. Then Keila, Angie & I had a late dinner/early breakfast at the McDonalds in the hotel. We got back to the hotel room around 4:30 and took a half-hour power nap before checking-out and heading to the airport because Angie's flight was at 7am and she had to return the car. Mine and Keila's flight wasn't till 8 so we chilled and snored until it was time to board...then we just snored:).

11am
We got home at 11am to find a mailbox full of mail addressed to YOU! Not one piece for us...all for you! Wassup with that babe??? LoL After settling in, I made the mistake of browsing through the show's I had DVRd. I started the "Grey's Anatomy turned Glee" episode, thinking it would bore me to sleep, but instead it brought me to tears and I watched the whole thing! So much for KO'ing as soon as I got home! LoL

It was an interestingly-wierd episode...but it made me think of you and the moments surrounding your death and how much I hope an angel-version of me was there to serenade you through it all...

ANYHOO...I pretty much slept till this morning:). Jason picked Keila up before heading to Jiya's 1st birthday party at 3. Then Isa, Jin & Lala got dropped off at home around 9pm. I smothered them a bit before falling back to sleep, then woke-up this morning to bring them to school:).

So that, my love, was the shortest version of our weekend that made the most sense:). Thinking of you and missing you 24/7...1434

FOR LIFE!

Alrighty babee:) Thanks for hookin me up with my prayer request to JC! The interview went very well! Now, I gotta wait to find out when my 2nd interview is...then when I ace that one, I'll have one more to go. Man, this is such an intense process! But it's so worth it for the perfect job:)

Sorry it's so late - we had a pretty busy day which is just now ending...I should be asleep cuz I gotta leave for the airport around 6, so I'm gonna just leave you with another song that's been on replay all night for me:)

Each time I listen to this song, I always think of that car ride through Alameda with the girls (Alana too). I may have been playin around singing this all dramatic and stuff, but babee - I definately consider you my answered prayer! 1434 - for life:)

Nothing Mushy... :)

I finally have a face to face interview for the perfect job! I had my phone interview today, which went very well...now my nerves are on edge for tomorrow! Please ask JC to calm my nerves. This is ecactly what the girls and I need right now. Its 8 miles away, no need to hop on the freeway, and I reallllllly believe I'll love it!

Its all I can think about right now, so no mushy stuff tonight. Please be in that interview room with me to put me at ease babee. 1434

Our semi-Family Portrait

So babee, we WERE scheduled to take family portraits today...but when it came down to it, I came-up with every excuse in the book NOT to in my head! It just wouldn't be the same...it didn't feel right. How could we take an "ijklm" photo (professionally) without "m"? Finally, I wore myself out walkin around the mall with the girls as we waited for our 7:20 appointment, and the girls just didn't "feel it" anymore, so we left.

I look at this picture we snapped earlier today and I couldn't help but notice the space in the middle. If I had photoshop, I SO woulda put you right there!!!

***

On another note...something heartbreaking (but amazing at the same time) happened today. Keila got her permit! Our babygirl is one step closer to being an independent woman! Things are happening so fast again. Our household went from 5 to 4 when you relocated to Heaven; then in the Fall it'll go from 4 to 3 when Lala goes off to college.

I lost the man God created just for me (that's YOU, of course) in November, and the beautiful young lady who I am privleged to be a mama to (and kinda grew-up WITH for a while) is going off to college less than a year later! Of course, I wouldn't have it any other way (the college part), but WOW!

November 2010- you left, Thanksgiving

December 2010- Isa's 10th b'day, Christmas

January 2011- New Years

February 2011- Valentines Day

March 2011- what would've been your 33rd b'day, our 7 year Myspaceiversary, our 4 year anniversary

April 2011- Easter, Spring break

May 2011- Jin's 13th b'day (another teenager! *sigh*), Gabbi's cotillion (You're supposed to be here to present one of the 18 roses...)

June/July/August 2011- Lala's high school grad, no more "Club Aragon" summer bbq's or many ijklm Discovery Kingdom trips, our first ijklm trip to HI for Rie & Gene's wedding and mini vacay

September 2011- Kids back to school, Lala off to SFSU

October 2011- Lala turns 18, my 33rd

November 2011- your 1 year Heavenly Birthday

...that's a lot to take in. 1434

STILL!

I can't believe I didn't lookup our FB/Twitter activity from our anniversary last year! When I saw this today, I cried as if you had just sent it to me...
"I want to wish my wife a Happy anniversary. She fullfills me and lifts me up."
March 24 at 9:18am

*sigh*

On April 16 at 5:08am, I posted on your wall: "I am so amazingly in LoVe with you baby:) Just sayin..."

You replied: "Babee....I Love you more than you know...."
April 16 at 7:04am

Then I said: "i love you more:)"
April 16 at 9:18am

Hahahaha!!!

Then on May 28 at 5:24pm, I shared: "We've grown to be one soul - two parts; our lives are so intertwined that when some passion stirs your heart, I feel the quake in mine. ~Gloria Gaither"

You commented: "I love Leila...."
May 28 at 6:28pm

And again, I said: "I love you more:) LoL"
May 28 at 6:33pm

See...you ALWAYS let me have the last "I love you MORE" UNTIL 11/4/2010 before you closed the door for the last time. REALLY??? SERIOUSLY??? That's just WRONG! :(

June 16 at 3:52pm: "I LOVE being so in LOVE with an amazing man who's so in LOVE with me:)"

Your reply: "Babee I Love you more than you realize. You are stuck with me no matter what. I will Love you and protect you through it all.....Muah"
June 17 at 1:22am

Wednesday June 16, 2010 was FLASHBACK WEDNESDAY:) It brought back so many memories and feelings from throughout our relationship. On your FB Wall, I posted:
"Usually when two people are together for a long time things seem to change…It’s been said that nothing good can last forever, but our love gets better every day!

We go through problems just like everybody else, but I don’t mind cuz it makes us keep it fresh. What’s sadder than an argument is the thought we may have never been…

You’re my lover, my babies father, my lifetime partner, and my friend. You’re still the man of my dreams, you’re still the man for me and I’m still in love with you so deeply…

…the question everybody asks, is how WE make it last, I tell them “I still, he still, we still…” Still feels like the first time we met… (first time) we kissed…(first time) we said “I love you”…We still run around like teenagers even though we're grown and married with kids, and we still talk on the phone for hours when I’m away…he still, writes letters and sends me flowers…I still, he still, we still..."

I also commented with a bunch of other song lyrics that hit home...but in reply to this song, you said: "This song was one that we heard when we first got together and wished that this would be us. We're not old yet, but everything else fits us perfectly. This proves our love for eachother. I love you babee.....Muah....".

*sigh*

It drives me nuts that I can't find official music videos for all our songs...but this'll just have to do. Talk to ya later babee... i STILL love you MORE!!! :)

More than the day before...

I'm finding out more and more each day just how much I miss having you by my side...it's always much more than I thought the day before. 1434