Time to get a life!

Sunday - TKB
Tuesday - Hot Hula & Amp'd Abs
Wednesday - 30 minute powerwalk on the treadmill...half the time at a 5% incline

I'm beginning to love the emotion-vacations I've been taking at the gym. When I'm there, I simply have FUN! Pain and all - I LOVE IT!!! I don't care much for the machines right now though. While on the treadmill Wednesday, all I could do was look around and gym and talk to myself (in my head, of course) about you. I could almost see you working out w/ that constipated look on your face from all the weight you' lift! LoL I thought of how often you'd see people you knew at 24 and would spend some time catching up in between sets. I guess it didn't help any that I have control over what I play on my ipod, considering everything in it reminds me of you too!

Tomorrow, Lala and I are gonna do the BodyPump & Zumba classes back to back. CRAZY, right?!?! YES! We're crazy...but I love that the old me wouldn't of even considered doing it, yet the new me is the one who thought of it! :) OK - enough about that. I just had to put it out there to keep me accountable! LoL

Your headstone was finally placed today. Al tagged me in a picture of it and I am soooooooo lucky I was by myself when I saw it! I fell-out! Bigtime! Kinda like I did on Thanksgiving. I was in my car and the second I looked at it, it was almost like I got mad! Seeing you for the first time after you passed away, the viewings, the funeral and even the burial weren't enough to let it all sink in. The fact that EVERYTHING has changed...new home, schools, car, daily routine, and the fact that I haven't heard your voice, felt your touch or seen your face since 11/4...NONE of that made the denial go away! But seeing that picture made me so mad because it somehow finally clicked, and I didn't want it to. So I sat in my car crying. The out-loud kind of crying, not caring that people outside my car thought I was crazy. I just let it all out. Then, I felt better.

I don't know how to explain it, but something changed in me when I saw that your headstone was placed. Nothing wierd or crazy or anything...I guess I just feel "OK" to start creating new patterns in our household. For some reason I've been holding on to our old patterns and routines and I found it really hard to be OK with the changes that had to be made now that you're not here. I almost felt guilty as if moving-on in life was a bad thing, or that it meant I was over you and all that we had together.

This sense of peace came over me and now I'm ready to live again! Imma get me a job (hopefully VERY soon!), get healthy, finish school, get back into ministry and get mentored/discipled until I'm ready to do the mentoring/discipling:). It's so exciting to think about! I know it won't all happen overnight, but "seeing the light" is so comforting! I still miss you like crazy, see you everywhere I go, and think of you all day/everyday, but I don't feel lost anymore...

My prayer tonight is that I wake-up feeling this good. I kind of hesitated a bit before writing you about all this because it could be just another loop on the rollercoaster I've been on. But even if it is, it's how I feel tonight and I wanted you to know:).

I'm gonna head to bed now hun. Next time you chat with JC over an upside-down-caramel-macchiato, please ask Him for continued guidance and favor over the girls and I. Goodnight babee - I just blew 10 kisses up to Heaven just for you! 1434