So much to think about...

Learning to live with pain is much tougher than it sounds. Today is a day of celebration. A day to praise and thank God for another wonderful year of Jin's life. But at the same time it hurts to think of how her teenage years will be without her Papa.

I always get compliments on how well Keila turned out. How beautiful, bright, and full of life and love she is. It's not just because of me, and our family - YOU had so much to do with that! How in the world am I gonna even come close to filling your shoes as Papa?

I thank God for the Alvarez's. Joseph, Silvia and the kids came over before Jin got out of school with balloons, pizza, cake and ice cream. When I came home from picking up Isa and Jin from school, Jin was so surprised:). I look at Joseph and am reminded of you by the way he wears his love for his family on his shoulder. When he said grace, I thought of how you always went beyond the simple "thank you for our food" and made sure to thank God for his blessings and favor over us. I'm so thankful that Jin has they as godparents...

Right now all three of the girls are over at their Lola Min's house with their Dad and family. This alone-time has been pretty sad, to say the least. I'm doing laundry, folding/hanging clothes, listening to our slow jam playlist, and thinking of how different things would be if you were still here.

I find myself doing that a lot! Not just big things...random little things too. Like right now, as I'm sitting here at the computer in an empty house, you'd be sitting in front of your laptop across the room from me. We'd be chatting on AIM about every gadget you find on the internet...sending me link after link to get me to agree that we NEED it. LoL

This morning when I woke up, I just laid there staring at the sunlight coming through the blinds and I was thinking of the mornings I'd wake-up hours after you...I could almost hear you downstairs listening to a Francis Chan sermon (really, really loud because the louder it was the less distractions from random noises).

I just miss you so much. I know I say that a lot...but it's cuz I really, really do. And I always will, thanks to the amazing man you were and the unique love we shared. You were one of a kind. There's no forgetting someone like you. So get used to me missing you, thinking of you 24/7, and crying over our slow-jam playlist because slow jam sessions will NEVER be the same without you here to dance in the kitchen with and sing to.

Well, that's all for now. I could go on forever but the clothes won't hang themselves (although I wish they would!). Talk to ya later boo. 1434